'Salvadoran culture and multiculture' - UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN---diversity

Could someone give me some ideas on how to make this better and help me proofread? thanks!

"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan. (250 words)

While doing a summer reading assignment for my English class I stumbled upon the book "A Thousand Splendid Suns" written by Khalid Hosseini. It tells the story of two Afghanistan women who deal with the struggles of everyday life. While I previously knew women in Afghanistan were oppressed, I went into reading that book fairly ignorant of the vast cultural differences between America and Afghanistan. For example, I was shocked to learn that women had to ask their husbands' permission before doing anything, and that it was not uncommon for men to have multiple wives. After finishing the book, I realize I had been blind. Never have I had a more eye-opening experience or gained more respect for the women who had the strength and courage to attempt to emerge from this type of oppression. My newfound respect towards people in Afghanistan, specifically women, comes from realizing how many struggles they must overcome that I have not had to worry about. Being a woman of different ethnicities, the message of this book really hit home. By reading this I now have a greater understanding of diverse cultures and a better appreciation for my own unique, multicultural background. My father and mother both instilled in me a sense of pride for who I am. I believe that because I am multiracial and have experienced firsthand my father's Salvadoran culture I can bring cultural understanding and diversity to the University of Michigan.

While doing a summer reading assignment for my English class, I stumbled upon the book "A Thousand Splendid Suns" written by Khalid Hosseini.

For example, I was shocked to learn that women had to ask their husbands' permission before doing anything, and that it was not uncommon for men to have multiple wives. After finishing the book, I realized that I had been blind.

My new found respect towards people in Afghanistan, specifically women, comes from realizing how many struggles they must overcome that I have not had to worry about.

thank you!

^I would think that you were either assigned the book or that you chose to read the book for your assignment. I don't think that you actually "stumbled upon" this book while doing a summer reading assignment.


^Two women from Afghanistan.


^This sounds pretty lame. You are not really bringing cultural understanding to Michigan because your multicultural. The prompt asks for how your experiences and achievements will diversify Michigan.


^Better appreciation? How?

I think that you will need a much better essay for the University of Michigan. I also do not think that your topic meets the prompt because the prompt asks for an experience and not a work of literature. Your analysis of the book is also very shallow and generic.