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'saw the meaning of such a useful advice' - Andover Admission Essay



hades98 6 / 39  
Jan 15, 2012   #1
What is the most valuable piece of advice you have been given? How has that advice changed the way you see yourself, others, and the world?

There are many people that have given me advice in the past, some might be useful, and others may not be. Out of the hundreds of advices I have been given, there is one that I think is the most important, and it is not given by a family member, nor a mentor, but by one of my trusted peers. This valuable advice not only helped me then, but it hasalso helped me now, and will continue helping me in the distant future. The advice that I had been given was to believe in yourself. At first, I was incapable of understanding the meaning of this advice, I didn't know how that was going to help me. But later, I finally saw the meaning of such a useful advice. When you believe in yourself, you are more likely to succeed than those who question themselves.

When I was in 6th grade, the worst grade of my life, I wasn't doing so well in math class. I was constantly getting bad grades on tests, projects, and all sorts of assignments. I was almost on the verge of collapsing, I had no faith that I would be able to pass the class. It was then that my friend came and offered me one of the best advices that I havehad ever received. I remember vividly that I had a 62% and there was only 2 weeks left until the marking period is over, and there iswas only one project left. I got home that day and tried to believe in myself and complete the project and study for the test that is comingapproching, although I was still having sporadic thoughts, I tried my best to ignore them and focus on my past successes. The project dragged on for hours, and for hours I tried to believe in myself, at first it was in vain, then after an hour or so, my confidence grew and I tried to work on the project to the best of my capabilities. Consequently, after handing in the project, I received an outstanding grade, which brought my average grade up. My friend's advice has driven most of my academic life. I thought about his advice when completing a difficult task, such as the SSATs, and writing the essays to enter Andover right now.

You have areally good essay here, made a few corrections- they are the ones in red.Thanks for checking mine. Good luck:)
I understand that life is challenging, and there will be moments when things seem desperate, and when we will lose all hope and faith, but even then, we need to believe in ourselves, if we don't even believe in ourselves, we will not succeed. In order to surpass challenges, you must first conquer yourself and all your fears. Once you have succeeded in accomplishing that, you are ready for any challenge the world poses.

glamport 3 / 3  
Jan 15, 2012   #2
There are many people that have given me advice in the past, some is useful, while some is not . Out of the hundreds of pieces of advices I have been given, there is one lesson that I think is the most important, and it was not given to me by a family member, nor a mentor, but by one of my trusted peers. This valuable advice not only helped me then, but it also helps me now, and will continue helping me in the distant future. The advice was to believe in yourself . At first, I was incapable of understanding the meaning of this advice, I didn't know how it was going to help me. Buti finally saw its meaning . When you believe in yourself, you are more likely to succeed than those who question themselves.
OP hades98 6 / 39  
Jan 15, 2012   #3
Thank you!
OP hades98 6 / 39  
Jan 15, 2012   #4
Any one else want to edit?
OP hades98 6 / 39  
Jan 15, 2012   #5
I am going to bump this one more time, to anyone who is reading this, please give feedback, any type of feedback is welcome.
Review my essays and I will return the favor!
mlayton - / 8  
Jan 15, 2012   #6
If you take the advice of the other posters regarding your grammar, you'll be fine.
The flow of the essay was good for a shorter essay.
My only comment is in the first paragraph
There are many people that have given me advice in the past, some might be useful, and others may not be. Out of the hundreds of advices I have been given, there is one that I think is the most important, and it is not given by a family member, nor a mentor, but by one of my trusted peers. This valuable advice not only helped me then, but it also helped me now, and will continue helping me in the distant future.."

Everything that's before you actually stating the advice feels a bit drawn out. I think you should shorten this.
mohamed459 9 / 27  
Jan 15, 2012   #7
Other than the grammar mistakes already noted I can't find nothing to fix. I'd recommend though. As for shortening your intro paragraph, i agree with mlayton. It seems that you are stalling and it doesn't really fit in the essay

Good Luck :)


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