"Don't just say it, do it", says my DAD; Person who had a significant influence on me

I am really bad at grammar and writing so please help me corrected them thanks

Describe a person who has had a significant influence on your life. How has that influence helped to prepare you for your college experience at Florida Southern.

"Don't just say it, do it" thats what my dad would say every single day of my life. I don't have a hero , but I have my dad. Ever since I could understand what he say my dad have always told me "Rachel, do you know how lucky you are, you have a free future lying in front of you?" And i would always reply to my dad "yes, I know and I will always do my best for the chances I have."

My dad grow up in a very behind little town in China so he never had a chance to go to college . My dad loves to go to school, but because his family is really poor so he had to give up the education and start work when he's really young. Going to college is always one of my dad's dream, but he couldn't accomplished so he want my sisters and I to accomplish the dream for him.

My dad is a hard working man, I've never seen anyone work harder than my dad. Because of the lower education he can not work in a comfortable place so after he had save enough money he had open a restaurant with all his saving, but working in a restaurant is really not a easy job. I remember the times when my dad injured his armpit, and later on the armpit got infected, but he still have to work. He had work in the heat and it would hurt him painfully. But all I could do is watch him in pain. Even if my dad work 7days a week and 11hrs a day he still able to take care of this family. He's the one of the family like a knight protecting the king because all he want is all of us go to college and won't be like him.

Moreover,my dad is the motivation and preparation for me to go to college. Not because he tells me I have to go, but because I see a spark of hope for a better living for my dad and my family. Because I don't want to see my dad in pain anymore. I use to depend on him for everything, now I want him to depend on me. On the other hand I am able to pursuit the dream I have always wanted to pursuit. And become a role model for the my two younger sisters.

Finally, my dad is a important role in my life. I may be the role model of the my family, but truly its my dad who was behind me and guiding me the whole time. He told me how important education is cause it can affect my life.

I want to be able to succeed not just for me but for my dad. I want to college for my future and my families.

I know is kind of weird, but please give me as much opinion as possible

Your grammar is in serious need of revision. Your punctuation and tenses, along with many other things, are incorrect. Because of the poor grammar, understanding the essay became a lot harder than it should have been, and should be.

Also, your means of expression are basic. From the looks of it, this essay definitely does not have a 'wow' factor to it. Please revise.

When you are talking about your father's past use past tense.


^He injured it multiple times? You need to have your tenses agree.

You have a good draft here. At least it answers the prompt. You need to mention that you always depended on your father earlier and then show how you have changed from that dependent girl into someone who wants to help her father through the series of quotes and events that you describe in your essay.

Because of the lower education he can not work in a comfortable place so after he had save enough money he had open a restaurant with all his saving, but working in a restaurant is really not a easy job. ** long run on sentence. Also, your subject-verb agreement is off throughout the essay.

Finally, my dad is a important role in my life.** Not sure what you are trying to say..he played an important role? or he is an important role model?

It is a nice subject, however, the meaning of the essay lacks clarity due to grammar errors

My new essay- please helped me correct the grammar

Describe a person who has had a significant influence on your life. How has that influence helped to prepare you for your college experience at Florida Southern.

He is 6 foot tall, he has a bulging belly and broad shoulders, he is the man who played a significant role in my life. This man is my father. My father is a humorous man, he entertains our whole family with his hilarious jokes. He's the on who always say "don't just say it, do it"!

To start of my father's a phenomenal chef, he has been a chef for 18 years. people always comment on the delicious food he cooks. Being a chef was not the career my dad wanted to pursue. My father wanted to do something big and exciting! He dreamed of being a pilot, an architecture, also a diver, but because of my dad's lack of studying, he dropped out of school and never finished elementary school.

In fact for this reason, he started in work with my grandparents on the farm. Years after working on the farm he decided he was going to America. My father immigrated to America in year 1991 right after I was born. He wanted to give whole family a better life. Since my father hacked a high school diploma, he was limited to certain jobs. For his first couple years in America he worked as a delivery man, and then become a chef. After 8 years of being a chef, he decided for our whole family to immigrated to America and join him.

After, coming to America, my life completely changed. At the very beginning I was very dependent on my father, but later on when I could understand the lifestyle and the language, I became less dependent on my father. Right when I was turning 15, my father said something I will never forget. He said "Rachel, I want you to see education as a chance, a chance for you to live the future you pictured it to be, other wise you'll end up like me."! "Don't just say what you want, you have to do it"! That's his advice.

Finally, I am proud I have a father that motivates me to do what I want. My father has impacted me and pushed me to get good grades and go to college. Without my father I can't imagine myself having any courage, especially the courage to leave home. Because of my father I am ready; ready for anything that's coming.