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"This school is awesome" ; Ritsumeikan Asian Pacific U- Why attend apu?



Kori Anders 1 / 1  
Oct 28, 2013   #1
Could you check this essay for me? I'm not sure if the grammar is okay and the idea is good. Thank you all in advance

The topic: Reason(s) why you wish to attend APU and how you intend to approach your studies within your first choice of college (APM/APS)

Since grade 10, I have had a constant concern about my higher education. While I was still confusing about which university to apply for, my English teacher suggested Ritsumeikan Asian Pacific University for me. "This school is awesome" she said. Then she told me about how her daughter has enjoyed school life in APU, about the academic program, the reasonable educational expenditure and about living in Beppu. Having already an interest in Japan, I started searching on the Internet, examined all information about this university which I mostly concerned. The more I knew about APU, the more I was inspired. I knew exactly that APU would satisfy my criteria for a suitable university. Two years later, at the beginning of Fall 2013, in an APU information session held at my school, I witnessed students from this university talking about their life in Japan and what success they have achieved. After the session, my thought was: "Brilliant! I MUST be an APU student!!!"

Among all the universities I have listed, APU always comes as the top. An international environment for studying is what many universities nowadays offer. Nonetheless, APU seems to be the most special one to me. With the number of foreign students accounts for more than 50%, I am convinced that APU provides not only an Japanese but also a truly multi-culture environment for me. Moreover, with great reputation for high technology and education always takes priority over other matters, Japan is obviously an excellent choice. Being admitted to APU will offer me an opportunity to get access to the modern technology and experience great teaching quality and thus, my full potentiality will be developed.

Another reason I wish to attend APU is that Japan has been my destination for a long time. Despite having never taken any Japanese course, I managed to learn a few words through Japanese songs because I think Japanese accent is awesome. Besides, I have studied some interesting facts about Japan, which impressed me a lot. This country has come over various changes, experienced both good and bad times, to become one of the world powers. Nevertheless, Japanese people still remain disciplined, united and modest. That is what fascinates me about Japan. I am also charmed by Japanese culture and there are so many customs I found incredibly interesting. For instance: the Kimono, Tanabata festival, tea ceremony... I really want to know more and more about this country and thus, APU will be a great place for me to start learning.

Since high school, I have discovered my great enthusiasm for social science. So I decided that my study in university would involve studying about society and relevant problems, about what I can do to improve and specifically to change the Vietnamese society. Therefore, when I thought about applying for Ritsumeikan Asian Pacific University, APS came as my first choice. With an excellent teaching quality and various career opportunities, I have a firm belief that this college is particularly perfect for me to study Environment and Development and for the long-term, to realize my ambition: making Vietnam a developed and green nation. If admitted, I will make the most of my ability to gain the knowledge and experiences as an APS student. From my basic major in English and my great interest in social science, I believe that I have the good grounding which, along with my effort, will make me an excellent student.

My mom always reminds me that studying aboard is more difficult than I could imagine but I am not worried. I have imagined a student life in APU full with not only academic knowledge, international experiences but also culture shocks and difficulties. However, I believe that I myself can get over any challenge to seize my chances and fulfill my ambition. And after all, being an APU student will remain as valuable and unforgettable memories in my life.

Word count: 648

gabbie 9 / 19  
Oct 29, 2013   #2
I have had a constant concern about my higher education

you can say : I have set myself an ambitious goal of higher education .

confusing

confusing - > confused

the reasonable educational expenditure and about living in Beppu

-> the vocab you used here seem to be not appropriate
the affordable university tuition fees and the financial aid policy
the student's lives

examined all information about this university which I mostly concerned
find all information that closely related to the university[quote=Kori Anders]my thought was: "Brilliant! I MUST be an APU student!!!"

satisfy my criteria for a suitable university. Two

would meet my expectations

witnessed

-> serious word
have a chance to meet/see
[/quote]
find all information that closely related to the university

my thought was: "Brilliant! I MUST be an APU student!!!"
a thought occurred to me

Among all the universities I have listed, APU always comes as the top

Of all the universities/ Among other universies
always ranks top
gabbie 9 / 19  
Oct 29, 2013   #3
multi-culture

multi-cultural

Moreover, with great reputation for high technology and education always takes priority over other matters, Japan is obviously an excellent choice.

with a great reputation for high technology and top priority in education, Japan is obviously an ideal destination
but i feel that this sentence doesn't match with others. Because the previous and the next sentences you are talking about APU, not Japan

experience great teaching quality and thus, my full potentiality will be developed .

experience great teaching methods. Thus, my potentiality will be developed to the fullest

Another reason I wish to attend APU

another reason why i wish to attend APU

I have studied some interesting facts

have found some interesting information/ discovered -> not study facts

charmed by

i also find marveled at -> charmed is attract sb in order to make them like you or do what you want

I found incredibly interesting

find

Since high school,

Since i was in high school

So I decided that my study in university would involve studying about society and relevant problems, about what I can do to improve and specifically to change the Vietnamese society

-> so confused
you can simply write : so i decided to take my major in social science which help me to have a sound understanding about social issues that would significantly contribute to the Vietnam's development

If admitted, I will make the most of my ability to gain the knowledge and experiences as an APS student

if being admitted, i will try my best to acquire knowledge and get experience

From my basic major in English and my great interest in social science, I believe that I have the good grounding which, along with my effort, will make me an excellent student.

with
help me to become

culture shocks

challenge

challenges
OP Kori Anders 1 / 1  
Oct 30, 2013   #4
Wow, a lot to check. Thank you so much :)


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