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Science vs art head vs heart---Main essay



DANDAN 1 / 4  
Jan 15, 2016   #1
It only one hours for me to submit my application, so hope to receive any grammar/structure comments on it!!! and my words are largely exceeded, it would be great if you can tell me which part to delete. Thanks so much!

When I was little, I swore that I would never go learn liberal arts. Despite being hated by most girls, Math has always been my best subject. To a certain extent, I have always been proud of my distinctive. I saw Math as the wisest and truest thing, and it could always bring me something different, and some ways that I have never thought of. On the other hand, I have always thought liberal arts are obscure and unpractical.

At the beginning of my high school year, I started to watch many English movies to boost up my English proficiency. I was first searching for movies that are acceptable for most of the people, like some Hollywood blockbusters. Instead, later on the year I found that many movies, such as the Fast and Furious 7, are simply representing an old idea for commercial purpose, or using the exaggerated propaganda/rhetoric to attract more of its audiences. That logic even made me confused when I first saw the movies like Before Sunset and Boyhood, because they are all simply telling an on-going story without flashy storyline, but strangely they were all attracted me to watch again, until I have find that those directors are not simply presenting tedious/( story), they are reflecting the most resonant and questionable things in our lives, and really treated these films a piece of art as they were willing to spent 18 or 12 years on them.

When I was watching the documentary about Titanic's filming process, there are big descriptions about how did the computer graphic helped to make the impossible setting came true, and let me saw how those big heavy machines were cooperating behind the scenes first time. As I found out that a movie is an organic portrait of a mix of elements based on a certain theme. Science and technics, so rational and logic, undeniable are another stream of power from art. But if they are accidentally converged together, they can still work so well within each other to form the big portrait together, and extend the possibilities and knowns together. I have amazed by how Apple's founder Steve Jobs once put his bit taste of beauty into such a technical product.

One day, my headteacher came to tell us that our department is going to hold a micro movie competition around the trip to Jinggang, and sooner a staff who is working in the local television station is going to present a speech for us, as for a preparation for the on-going competition. During the lecture, the staff taught us how does every elements of a person, a story, a setting components a micro movies, and what does each frame and lens tells us about. Suddenly, many pictures flashing back in my head, like all those/the pictures have found its meanings. The figure of a director became more visualized as I was writing down all the points. However, though with all the movies I have saw, I still have never touched anything relates to filmmaking, and my comparative weakness on the basic knowledge of art makes me hesitated again. The thought/idea is like a spring, bouncing back and forth in my head. At the time close to the end of the class, the teacher played a movie sample for us, and I was the first in the class to interpret the meaning and the theme of the film. And then I thought, how wonderful it is if the film could be made from my own hands. And there the believe pushes me, and keeps telling me If I do not seize now, I might lose it forever, and I would must regret about it. So when the teacher asked who wants to be the director of the micro movie, I took a deep breath, and raised my hand.

I contacted six other craftsman who are the best people with their own jobs in our class. After a conversation, we dealed to focus on Jinggang's food culture and record it as a documentary. It feels great that I again have to chance to talk with the local people as I have always wanted to do when visiting to a new place, it is one of the best ways to get to know about the place and local people. So we settled our plans and started our journey. Some people on the bus suggested that we could do the work in a sitcom way because that would be more funnier; however, I have always preferred to deeply explore the ancient town and record some of them with our own abilities. Make those mundane things to valuable. To be honest, I was not nervous at all then, but I was clear that I need to make sacrifices and adjust with the changing for the team as I am the director. We finally arrived our first aim place, it is an old smoked tofu shop. Jinggang's smoked tofu has been famous since Ming and Qing dynasty. This was not the first time I am here, but everything seems to be unfamiliar again. We walked cross the curtain, and saw the same big table for the family to finish the final progress. Fortunately, after we have explain our purpose to coming, we were able to learn the skills of the final step. When I was directing, I can sense a strong feeling from my heart that makes me curious, excite and proud. I exciting about a work is going to produced by me, and amazed that once I am the person holding the unliving bricky machine and was going to make a vivid art work.

Art might be different from science, but there are the differences that you need to sense it with heart, not head. I really see this things as what I have gifted, I can use the scientific sight to calculate the portion, and think about science in a more unusual way. No matter who I used to be in the past, and who I am now, the only sure thing is I will keep my rational brain and the artsy heart.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 15, 2016   #2
You can't submit this essay in a few hours. It lacks focus, the content is all over the place, and you need to figure out what it is exactly that you want to discuss in this essay. Better yet, what does the prompt want you to discuss? My head is spinning from reading all the varied content that seem to jump from one point to another in every paragraph. So unless you can tell me what you are supposed to be discussing in this essay. I am not sure how I can help you direct it and which parts you can actually delete without affecting the overall content.

Thematically, I think you are trying to discuss how your interest in liberal arts developed? Or is it how you developed a desire to become a filmmaker? You seem to be trying to discuss at least two different topics in this essay, which is further evidence of the lack of focus and outline for your essay discussion. We have at least one whole day of revisions to do on this essay.

Your first paragraph should not even be in this essay because it talks about why you disliked liberal arts. You never gave any inclination that your interest in liberal arts had a chance to change. If you are trying to explain that through Titanic, then you need to create an effective transition paragraph before you present that.

I'll try my best to help you fix this essay but I strongly doubt you can submit this within a few hours. You need to commit to delivering the best possible paper to the reviewer in order to better your chances at admission. This essay could very well prevent that if you rush the revision on it.
OP DANDAN 1 / 4  
Jan 15, 2016   #3
I want to use the first prompt, and my theme is the juxtaposition of science vs art; head vs heart, and how I "made" science into art. but my ddl are just in one hour..@vangiespen thanks so much
vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 15, 2016   #4
Give me the first prompt and I'll try to edit this essay to make it work for you. The essay that you wrote doesn't work for the purpose that you want. The juxtaposition is not effective. You should have just narrated how your interest in liberal arts developed when you were originally interested in maths.

Just be straightforward in your discussion. If you have the time, just talk directly to the reviewer. don't try to wax poetic if you have only an hour to write and submit the essay. This needs a lot of work. Also, the admissions officer will not have the time to read this tremendously long essay when he can only allot a specific amount of time to read the essays each student submits. Just talk directly about the prompt requirements. Don't waste time.

I'll be waiting for the actual prompt. Maybe I can still help you make sense of this essay in relation to the prompt. We just need to move fast and limit the editing that you have to do. The grammar will not be fixed and polished, but you will have an essay to submit, that I can assure you of.
OP DANDAN 1 / 4  
Jan 15, 2016   #5
Maybe I can still help you make sense of

"Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story." ok, that very kind of you!
OP DANDAN 1 / 4  
Jan 15, 2016   #6
any news?
vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 15, 2016   #7
I know that you would like to use your original essay as much as possible but due to the time constraint, I felt it best to simply write a new essay for you that would quickly cover the salient points of your original essay and be ready for submission within the hour. Don't change anything nor add any information to the essay I am posting below. If you want to meet your deadline, use the essay I developed for you in its entirety. This is the only way that I could think of to help you out. I am sure it will work for you :-) Here is the essay I developed.

I grew up with a keen interest in Math. I was surrounded by it as a child so entering into a college course that would eventually lead me into a specific Math field was a forgone conclusion for me. That is until I discovered the world of Liberal Arts through my interest in film. From a desire to simply improve my English language skills, I found myself becoming immersed in a world where my creativity and imagination could take flight in a way that Math would never allow. What I once saw as impractical and useless, I now saw as a world of opportunities and possibilities that my imagination never before thought possible.

The film that really opened me up to the possibility of taking a Liberal Arts major was the movie Titanic. The movie to me, was art in motion, poetry on a more conscious level, and a commentary about the early divisive life of man that I could never have learned in school. It was art through CGI and the story, almost mythological because of the enigma that is the Titanic. All elements worked together in order to create a bigger picture and a complete narrative based on historical accounts. There is absolutely no way that Math can ever do that. This was the reason why I found my interests slowly but surely shifting from Math to Liberal Arts.

Titanic was the reason that I decided to join a micro movie making competition in Jinggang. Though basic in approach, this was the confirmation that I needed to lead me towards a career in film making and Liberal Arts. I directed my first mini film and found myself hooked on the film making process. It wasn't an easy task for a newbie like me. I knew nothing about film making but managed to pull off the project just through sheer dedication to the craft and a desire to succeed in my undertaking. My imagination came to life through the simple script and the movie took on a life of its own as I shot the scenes that completed the film.

It was during this process that I came to realize how different the art of film making and the study of Liberal Arts are driven by something totally different from the Math subjects I had always been interested in previously. Math was all about the head. While art, is all about the heart. However, while I was editing the film, I came to realize that Math actually had a place in my new found field. Art created the scene while math, perfected the film through editing. Coming to this realization, I came to the conclusion that throughout my college career, I will be sure to keep my rational brain working in sync with my artsy heart.
OP DANDAN 1 / 4  
Jan 15, 2016   #8
so that's my whole essay? 466 words, right? wow you are really..!


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