Hello, I need general advice about the quality of the essay I wrote and it relevance to the prompt:
The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Two or three double-spaced pages)
Here is the essay:
The whole of my life, my main interests turned toward science and mathematics. Now I particularly am interested in chemistry, but through my life experiences, have developed a whole new perspective and appreciation for life outside of chemical problems. Through an incredible experience writing for a website and the inspiring moments I felt in extracurricular activities such as sports and clubs, my perspective has been enhanced and broadened.
My first job experience as a writer for "PureMTGO.com," a website dedicated to analysis of the popular trading card game Magic: The Gathering, greatly influenced me and helped mold me into the diligent and hardworking student I am today. While searching for a a source of income to finance competitive play on Magic: The Gathering, I noticed PureMTGO's offer to pay new writers who wished to publish articles on the website. The opportunity yelled my name because not only would I receive a commission to voice my opinion on Magic: The Gathering, I would also have a unique experience as a writer to have my articles and opinions go public. Perhaps this is a lifetime prospect for me, one I can truly relish. I diligently worked on my first article for the website, and took hours of my free time perfecting and tweaking it to create the best first impression of my writing abilities to the Magic Online community. After hours of reading and re-reading my article, scrutinizing it for any possible grammatical errors or small mistakes, I finally clicked my mouse on the dreaded "submit" button, where it would be reviewed by an editor and sent back with notes for minor changes and suggestions, or, if it failed to reach standards, a complete redo. I anxiously awaited my editor's reply, refreshing my email account by the hour in anticipation, and finally, after an agonizing period of four days, his reply appeared in my inbox. After carefully reading through the message, which was welcoming and warm, I jumped for joy as I realized my article would be published after a few minor changes. When the article finally made its way to the website after a series of small corrections and formatting changes, I eagerly anticipated the constructive criticism offered by the patrons of "PureMTGO.com". Overall the public enjoyed my article, save for a few splashes of harsh but helpful comments, such as clarity or presentation issues. At first, these comments cut deeply, and I grumbled around at these offenses. However, the suggested changes resulted in far more polished and professional articles, I realized the good intentions of those I initially thought of as irrationally harsh. My perspective changed as I learned that first impressions are often far off base, and I knew it was time to accept others for their abilities and insights. The helpfulness, support, and warmth I received from others had a profound impact on me, and at Rice I would gladly join a writer's group or study group to find others in need of assistance as well as meet new friends. Just as others willingly reached out and helped me refine me writing abilities, I would like to work with others in a writing group or tutoring session. I am also interested in participating in the The Rice Thresher, to be writing and discussing in a public forum. I want to extend my willingness to make a difference by helping people through the Rice Engineers Without Borders, as I plan on pursuing an engineering degree. The community service that has been a major part of my high school life, such as organizing food drives and blood drives, the annual Community Clean-Up our school undertakes, and volunteering to help run audio/visual for school events impressed on me a respect for service and volunteer work. I view community service as one of the highest human callings people can undertake, and I want to be a part of the world through the Engineers Without Borders program. The writing I have done for "PureMTGO.com" has opened up a whole new world for me, and has reinvented my outlook on life.
The second major aspect of life that has changed my perspective has been the incredible experiences I have been a part of in extracurricular activities such as sports and clubs. I love basketball, and I fully intend on participating in the intramural basketball program at Rice. The amazing experiences I have had playing basketball for my school have opened my eyes to the wondrous world of sports, and the great times I have shared with my team have left a major impact on me. The basketball court has often been my second home during winter and parts of spring, as I enjoy every minute of playing basketball I can take part in. I am also interested in baseball and golf, which I play occasionally during the year but wish to take part in a competitive team. I have also had inspiring moments during my time in clubs such as robotics. I can still remember the sweet taste of first place one year and the crushing reality of losing another year. At Rice I will take a stab at any activity or club that I find exciting, such as debate team, as I want to experience the wide range of options available at Rice. I will also take the initiative to create clubs for interests I have, such as Magic: The Gathering and robotics, if they are not currently offered at Rice.
The unique events people experience can have a profound effect upon their character and perspective. These two new avenues of life I experienced, writing for "PureMTGO.com" and participating in basketball and other school offered activities, have paved the way for a revolutionary change in my perspective, and have bettered my life in may ways. I hope to apply my perspective to my time at Rice, where I believe I can positively influence the people I associate with and enrich the experience of college life at Rice and the lives of other students.
The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Two or three double-spaced pages)
Here is the essay:
The whole of my life, my main interests turned toward science and mathematics. Now I particularly am interested in chemistry, but through my life experiences, have developed a whole new perspective and appreciation for life outside of chemical problems. Through an incredible experience writing for a website and the inspiring moments I felt in extracurricular activities such as sports and clubs, my perspective has been enhanced and broadened.
My first job experience as a writer for "PureMTGO.com," a website dedicated to analysis of the popular trading card game Magic: The Gathering, greatly influenced me and helped mold me into the diligent and hardworking student I am today. While searching for a a source of income to finance competitive play on Magic: The Gathering, I noticed PureMTGO's offer to pay new writers who wished to publish articles on the website. The opportunity yelled my name because not only would I receive a commission to voice my opinion on Magic: The Gathering, I would also have a unique experience as a writer to have my articles and opinions go public. Perhaps this is a lifetime prospect for me, one I can truly relish. I diligently worked on my first article for the website, and took hours of my free time perfecting and tweaking it to create the best first impression of my writing abilities to the Magic Online community. After hours of reading and re-reading my article, scrutinizing it for any possible grammatical errors or small mistakes, I finally clicked my mouse on the dreaded "submit" button, where it would be reviewed by an editor and sent back with notes for minor changes and suggestions, or, if it failed to reach standards, a complete redo. I anxiously awaited my editor's reply, refreshing my email account by the hour in anticipation, and finally, after an agonizing period of four days, his reply appeared in my inbox. After carefully reading through the message, which was welcoming and warm, I jumped for joy as I realized my article would be published after a few minor changes. When the article finally made its way to the website after a series of small corrections and formatting changes, I eagerly anticipated the constructive criticism offered by the patrons of "PureMTGO.com". Overall the public enjoyed my article, save for a few splashes of harsh but helpful comments, such as clarity or presentation issues. At first, these comments cut deeply, and I grumbled around at these offenses. However, the suggested changes resulted in far more polished and professional articles, I realized the good intentions of those I initially thought of as irrationally harsh. My perspective changed as I learned that first impressions are often far off base, and I knew it was time to accept others for their abilities and insights. The helpfulness, support, and warmth I received from others had a profound impact on me, and at Rice I would gladly join a writer's group or study group to find others in need of assistance as well as meet new friends. Just as others willingly reached out and helped me refine me writing abilities, I would like to work with others in a writing group or tutoring session. I am also interested in participating in the The Rice Thresher, to be writing and discussing in a public forum. I want to extend my willingness to make a difference by helping people through the Rice Engineers Without Borders, as I plan on pursuing an engineering degree. The community service that has been a major part of my high school life, such as organizing food drives and blood drives, the annual Community Clean-Up our school undertakes, and volunteering to help run audio/visual for school events impressed on me a respect for service and volunteer work. I view community service as one of the highest human callings people can undertake, and I want to be a part of the world through the Engineers Without Borders program. The writing I have done for "PureMTGO.com" has opened up a whole new world for me, and has reinvented my outlook on life.
The second major aspect of life that has changed my perspective has been the incredible experiences I have been a part of in extracurricular activities such as sports and clubs. I love basketball, and I fully intend on participating in the intramural basketball program at Rice. The amazing experiences I have had playing basketball for my school have opened my eyes to the wondrous world of sports, and the great times I have shared with my team have left a major impact on me. The basketball court has often been my second home during winter and parts of spring, as I enjoy every minute of playing basketball I can take part in. I am also interested in baseball and golf, which I play occasionally during the year but wish to take part in a competitive team. I have also had inspiring moments during my time in clubs such as robotics. I can still remember the sweet taste of first place one year and the crushing reality of losing another year. At Rice I will take a stab at any activity or club that I find exciting, such as debate team, as I want to experience the wide range of options available at Rice. I will also take the initiative to create clubs for interests I have, such as Magic: The Gathering and robotics, if they are not currently offered at Rice.
The unique events people experience can have a profound effect upon their character and perspective. These two new avenues of life I experienced, writing for "PureMTGO.com" and participating in basketball and other school offered activities, have paved the way for a revolutionary change in my perspective, and have bettered my life in may ways. I hope to apply my perspective to my time at Rice, where I believe I can positively influence the people I associate with and enrich the experience of college life at Rice and the lives of other students.