I'm thinking of taking out the last sentence of the first paragraph to make it 252 words (I'm really looking for ideas on how to cut it down.) Do you agree with that idea, and/or have any others? Also, if you don't like my intro, please help me find another journalism quote that fits or give me a general idea of what I can do, because that's the best I could come up with...thank you! :) Maybe I'll take out the sentence about upperclassmen talking about colleges, too?
Please submit an essay (250 words maximum) in the area provided, describing a significant achievement, experience or risk and its impact on you.
"TV From a Student's Point of View" was the slogan of the school district news station I was a part of during my middle school years. SCS-TV was a show on the public access channel in my town, in which students from each of the elementary schools, middle schools, and the high school would report stories happening in their location. On "tape dates" we would film the high school anchors doing segways into our stories, and would take turns doing things such as working the teleprompter,and counting the outtakes. It was my passion for writing that drove me to apply, but I thought it would be interesting to be a part of an actual news station.
Although the program was cut after my eighth grade year due to budget funding, it had sparked my interest in journalism. Along with writing each story, I had the experience of reporting on screen and working behind the scenes. SCS-TV showed me the possibilities of journalism, as I heard upperclassmen talk about which colleges they were considering for journalism or communication. I learned how to word an interview question, and how a news show is pieced together. On a larger scale, it helped me come out of my shell. I grew to feel more comfortable emailing teachers, and asking questions during interviews. Being accountable to the advisor and to my fellow reporters taught me valuable lessons about responsibility and work ethic. In conclusion, SCS-TV has helped shape me and has given me the goals I have today. (279 words)
Hi Jen.
Your experience with the student news station sounds interesting but I think the essay can be more clear to the point regarding what that experience meant to you. The first paragraph could be much shorter. I think you're trying to introduce your experience in that paragraph but it seems to get sidetracked providing unnecessary details. The important aspect of this prompt is the experience's, "impact on you". So I think you would be better served with a very brief summary of your involvement with the station.
You'll then have more space to elaborate on why this experience was important by supporting your comments in the second paragraph. When you make a statement about how this experience influenced you, you want to back it up with an explanation. When you say it, "sparked your interest," what about it did you find interesting? When you say it, "showed you the possibilities of journalism," what possibilities drew your attention? When you talk about it bringing you out of your shell, making your more comfortable interacting with teachers, and asking questions, how did your experience change you in such a way?
Those questions are the interesting ones which provide you an opportunity to express your unique characteristics.
