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Sea turtles, the environment-- Whitman / Current local,national, or global issue


danimeep 8 / 25 2  
Feb 28, 2013   #1
Hi everyone, this supplement is due TOMORROW so I would deeply appreciate any comments and feedback! If you need help on any essays, let me know and I will be glad to help :)

During your time at Whitman, how do you envision engaging with a current local, national, or global issue that is important to you? (500 words)

Walking along the beach, my cousin and I came across a patch of litter that stretched for two miles. Plastic bottles, candy wrappers, license plates, and glass shards were scattered along the shoreline. We searched for seashells hidden among the piles of litter. I reached down and my hand flinched as I realized what I was about to grab: a dead baby sea turtle, tangled in six pack rings. Not long after, I found dozens more. The image has haunted me ever since. I returned home feeling a mixture of sadness, anger, and resentment. Since then, I have developed a passion for animals and the environment. Through a combination of interning at the San Diego Zoo, going on a Safari through Tanzania, and scuba diving in Mexico, I have avidly pursued my passion for a career with animals and their ecosystems.

Due to my interests in both areas of study, I was intrigued to find Whitman had a Biology major and clubs that promote environmental and animal safety. I am eager to become a Whitman Green Leader, and participate in the Campus Climate Challenge. Most importantly, I hope to start a club that promotes a mission to protect the Earth's oceans, forests, air, and their future. I hope to actively engage in campus activities that promote environmental awareness and raise solutions. I hope to create educational environmental sessions, sponsor local park cleanups, promote ecofriendly carwashes, and start campaigns that ban the sale of plastic products.

As for my passion for animals, I hope to join Whitman's "Action for Animals" club. As I have in San Diego, I want to volunteer in Washington's animal shelters, zoos, and write to Congress members in order to create an animal-friendly environment.

Regardless of where life takes me, I will pursue my passion for animals and the environment. Through Biology, animal Psychology, environmental studies, and some traveling, I cannot wait to engage in Whitman's academic and overseas opportunities. Becoming a member of the Whitman community will help me attain my academic, personal, and career objectives in life.

dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Feb 28, 2013   #2
. Theimageexperience has haunted me ever since. I returned home feeling a mixture of sadness, anger, and resentment.

I guess you better change the order of these two sentences. Have the second line in front of the other because that scene ends with you returning home, but the experience still haunts you.

Since then, I have developed a passion for animals and the environment.

This had been the advent of my strong desire for protecting environment and animals.
You have written it very well... Wish you good luck!
SLOOTR 5 / 12 2  
Feb 28, 2013   #3
...I wasam intrigued to find Whitman had aoffers an undergraduate program in Biology. and I am equally ecstatic to learn that the X department (or departments) encourage(s) student involvement through clubs that promote environmental and animal safety.

I hope to actively engage in campus activities that promote environmental awareness and raise solutions.

Raise solutions to/for what?

Through Biology, animal Psychology, environmental studies, and some traveling, I cannot wait to engage in Whitman's academic and overseas opportunities.Becoming a member of the Whitman community will help me attain my academic, personal, and career objectives in life.

Attending and engaging in Whitman's Biology program and associated clubs will help me attain my academic, personal, and career objectives. Beyond that, domestic and international experiences will further fuel my passion to establish a long lasting commitment to the Whitman community, the Biology department, and most importantly, the animals and their ecosystems of this great world. Or something of the like. :' ) I felt that your final paragraph didn't give that final "Pow" that would capture your readers attention. My 2 cents may only be worth 1 cent, but try and wow them in your final paragraph.

I really enjoyed reading your essay. You write very well and have a very defined idea of what you desire.

Best of luck!
OP danimeep 8 / 25 2  
Feb 28, 2013   #4
Thank you dumi for the suggestions and kind words! You are always so helpful, and I deeply appreciate it.

Slootr- thank you, as well! I definitely agree with you about my last paragraph :)
MCBacardi 2 / 3 1  
Feb 28, 2013   #5
I also really enjoyed your essay, I would list critique suggestions but it seems as though all I wanted to say has been stated above. I wish you luck!
OP danimeep 8 / 25 2  
Mar 1, 2013   #6
Thank you MCBacardi!! Any more suggestions? Please??
anniesis27 6 / 11 2  
Mar 1, 2013   #7
Hey dani,
Just wishing you good luck. I read your essay and it was really good. I choose the same topic. I can't find any critiques on your essay. They have all ready been stated.

I hope we both get in.
PS. please help with my essay as well, I need alot of help
Thanks


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