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What issue of local, national, or international significance concerns you?


eminemya 8 / -  
Feb 26, 2008   #1
I often find my words awkward...
Thanks so much :)

voluntary project to help the young children



What concerns me most is the voluntary project to help the young children. I once volunteered in a poor mountain village primary school for a month and in the community children soccer team for two years.

The childhood,in one's life, is memorable but fragile. There are still countless children who live under the shadow of poverty, diffidence and dishonest. It is not that we volunteers will bring radical changes to their lives but our own help will give them hope to continue to believe in the unselfish love in this world.

Young children's naive ness and curiosity constantly remind me of the origin of life. With them, I have nothing to hide and purely enjoy every minute in the world of genuineness. Consequently, my heart will hurt whenever I see them helpless in despair. As a result, I captured every chance to contribute my own effort to the program helping them, which makes my life much more meaningful to be filled with love.

Furthermore, I realize that the stability of the economics is the basis for the promotion of the programs. And I decide to devote myself in financial areas to help the government build up the financial security system. As the most developed country, US has the perfect financial system and the mature researching teams, which is the reason why I'm seeking to transfer.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Feb 27, 2008   #2
Greetings!

I think your writing is very good! I have some editing suggestions for you:

Childhood is a memorable but fragile time. ... of poverty, indifference and dishonesty.

naive ness - naiveté

Consequently, my heart hurts whenever I see ...
... more meaningful and filled with love.

Furthermore, I realize that economic stability is the basis ...
And I decided to devote ...
... developed country, the U.S. has ... and the most mature researching ...

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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