Senior Curricular Support program ; UNC - What changed mind?

Okay, maybe I'm cutting it a bit late. I need some help here, I've only got a 130 words and my mind has gone blank. Please give me some feedback and/or any ideas to round this mofo off. Anything would be much appreciated! Thanks

Promt: 6. Tell us about a time when you changed your mind about something that mattered to you. What led to that change?

Before I joined my school's Senior Curricular Support program I was oblivious to my responsibility as a role model. By assisting younger students, I have become aware that my actions may serve as an example for others, thus altering my self-perception. Now with a better understanding of this responsibility I present myself as a more positive person.

As a senior student at Stromness Academy I provide peer support for younger pupils in several classes each weak. By working cohesively alongside teachers, I assist class learning by interacting with the students; partaking in group activities, supporting responses to questions and explaining instructions. I joined the program to create strong bonds between younger and older student at my school. I soon discovered that I was unintentionally playing a very important role in the school's social community.

This is a great start! Maybe you could include how playing an important role in the school's social community helps you grow as a person in general. Explain how changing your mind has helped you become the person that you are today.

Commas are necessary in this sentence.


Added a comma. Also changed "weak" (referring to strength) to "week" (referring to the seven days).


While the story you have provided is good, I think you could to a better job explaining the transition (change) that you went through. Discuss who you were prior to your experiences with assisting students, what caused you to change, and how you are enjoying it now.

Good luck.

Thank you so much, this is so helpful. Can't believe I found this website so late, it's been really hard getting any help all the way over here in Scotland. Thanks again!

Honestly it's too late to drastically change the content of your essay, but we can fix a few issues with grammar.


Delete cohesively - it's just not a word that works well in this situation. You can either say "promoting growth" or "promoting a growth in confidence"


Ululating is a fast-paced, war-like cry - emanating is a better word here.

You have written a good essay, but I fear it's just not related enough to the prompt. You can make this essay so much better by simply including an introduction similar to this:

"I did not believe I was a role model. I had always looked up to others, constantly deferring leadership. Until I interacted with other students in a school program, I was unable to realize my potential as a brilliant leader. The experience with the students enlightened me - through them, I was able to better myself while bettering someone else."

It doesn't have to be exactly like that, but it should be similar to it. By saying something like this you clearly answer the prompt - you show how an event changed your mind about something. I'm not sure if acquiring a personality trait counts as changing your mind, but what can you do about it now?

Ignore anything behind this line if you are crunched for time!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you had more time I would try an essay that reflected a structure similar to what I am going to make up on the spot right now:

In 2010, an issue regarding collective bargaining divided the state of Wisconsin. My thoughts on this event defined the set of first political beliefs that I possessed. However, after realizing the rashness of my decision - my inability to analyze ALL issues rather than just one, I have converted my political beliefs. Watching youtube videos over the summer about paul ryan led me to this change. I always thought my beliefs were in line with the Democrats simply because of one issue, but by opening my mind up to other ideas, I was able to realize that, overall, I agree with them more than I do the Democrats.

That's just a way I think the prompt should be approached. If you see it again, take an approach like this.

Define something that matters to you: In my case - politics

Define the initial stance that you took: In my case - siding with democrats

Define the stance you took after an event - In my case - becoming a libertarian

Provide examples of what prompted this change - In my case - watching videos of the other side

What was wrong with the way you made the decision the first time? - in my case -jumping to conclusions too fast.

You'll just have to work with the essay you have - It's good enough that the admissions department may not care that the prompt was left unaddressed - it does fill us in on who you are as a person.

Good luck, and pardon my overload of information.

Thank you so much. You've been a tremendous help. You're right regarding how my essay relates to the prompt, I read this on the UNC website which kind of made me think I'd be okay:

"Don't feel strictly tied to the essay prompts. Use them as jumping off places, and feel free to let your creativity take you where it may. We work hard to come up with essay prompts that will inspire students to craft an interesting essay. But if your muse leads you in a slightly different direction, that's perfectly okay. "

Seriously though, thank you so much.

Excellent! If you submit an essay free of errors, you should be in great shape.