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'Being in a separate country' - stanford what matters to you and why



aricar17 4 / 8  
Dec 30, 2011   #1
What matters to you and why?

In 2001 my mom was relocated to London. She became the sole working parent while my dad became a full-time father and looked after my sister and me. After a few years my mom was relocated back to New York City and then again to Zurich. My sister and I had just settled into new schools so my parents made the decision of having my mom work abroad while we stayed in London with my dad. At the time I saw my family to be unconventional and different to all of friends' families, which was difficult.

Being in a separate country to my mom was tough at times but I have found that our relationship became stronger because of it. I appreciate every moment that I have with her and enjoy spending time as a family. I see the importance of sitting down together at the dinner table and discussing our day, which I know not many people do as often nowadays. Having parents who live in separate countries has shown me the importance of having a strong support system. They have presented themselves as a team to support me in everything I have done. When my mom is unable to attend clarinet recitals or regattas, my dad is always cheering me on for the both of them. I have learned the importance of communication from seeing my dad jump on a plane to see my mom for the weekend.

My unconventional upbringing has led me to value a strong support system, be it through friends or family. Without having the support and motivation of those around you, I believe that it is difficult to achieve your goals. Because of my parents and their influence, I tend to form close relationships with people and value loyalty and the ability to depend on someone.

maianh94 6 / 17  
Dec 30, 2011   #2
At the time,I saw my family to be unconventional and different to all of friends' families, which was difficult. "At first, i struggled to live with my family's unconventional lifestyle."

Being in a separate country to my mom was tough --Being separated from by mom was tough
at times, but I have found that our relationship became stronger because of it. I appreciate every moment that I have with her and enjoy spending time as a family. I see the importance of sitting down together at the dinner table and discussing our day, which I know not many people do as often nowadays. Having parents who live in separate countries has shown me the importance of having a strong support system. They have presented themselves as a team to support me in everything I have done. When my mom is unable to attend clarinet recitals or regattas what are regattas? , my dad is always cheering me on for the both of them. I have learned the importance of communication from--> by seeing my dad jump on a plane to see my mom for the weekend. <--How does your dad going to see your mom show you the importance of communication?

My unconventional upbringing has led me to value a strong support system, be it through friends or family. Without having the support and motivation of those around you, I believe that it is difficult to achieve your goals. Because of my parents and their influence, I tend to form close relationships with people and value loyalty and the ability to depend on someone.

green: delete
Blue: change to this word/phrase

try to not use the word "you."
replace passive voice (ex: "Have found") with active ("find")
i like how you chose family as something that mattered to you the most but were able to make it unique.
fishie21 3 / 17  
Dec 30, 2011   #3
Because of my parents and their influence, I tend to form close relationships with people and value loyalty and the ability to depend on someone.

^^
i think you should show this off a little more

great essay :)
it shows diversity.
and is clean and crisp.

you might want to think about elaborating a TINY bit on the recitals/regettas.

please read my stanford essay if you have time

goodluck, fishie21
pong 1 / 4  
Dec 30, 2011   #4
This is a really good essay. Try to include any activities you have been in with this quality or something. But overall well done.

Check out my essay once I put it up. Thank you.


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