service is in my blood - peace corps essay #1

Hi - I hope you guys can help, I have such a hard time keeping it with in the 300 words. I tried to keep it short and too the point.

Thanks in advance!

Service is in my blood. I have wanted to join the Peace Corps since I was about 7 years old when my church held an event for a few returning PCVs. I walked around the room listening to them talk about the projects they worked on, the change they helped bring about, the friends they made, and most of all the people they became during their service. Looking at all of their pictures, I saw my future. I have talked about applying to the Peace Corps for years and decided 'why wait another day?' I look forward to the emotional and physical challenges, and can't wait to become a part of a community where I can be a part of real change.

My father grew up in the 40s and 50s with Cerebral Palsy, and made it his life's mission to help those who are in need. I was raised on a picket line: demanding that the Post Office in our rural town be made accessible or practicing writing by sending letters to public officials about the ADA. He helped me realize that we are all connected to each other, that one man's injustice is truly an injustice to us all. Volunteering was normal practice in my household, so it's obvious that this path would lead me to AmeriCorps and eventually the Peace Corps.

Being in politics in Rhode Island is like being under a microscope, every move you make is scrutinized and analyzed. Lucky for me, I was used to it. I made a name for myself by giving respect, and earning it in return. I never said no to a task, and always said thank you. I wanted nothing more from this great state than the chance to help those, and I ask you for that same opportunity.

Service is in my blood. I have wanted to join the Peace Corps since I was about 7 years old when my church has held an event for returning a few PCVs. I walked around the room listening to them talk about the projects they worked on, the change they helped bring about, the friends they made, and most of all the people they became during their service. (I cannot understand this sentence. I do not know what you want to say.) Looking at all of their pictures, I saw my future. I had talked about applying to the Peace Corps for years and decided. There was no reason to wait another day. I look forward to the emotional and physical challenges, and can't wait to become a part of a community where I can be a part of real change. ( are you sure it is present tense?) My father grew up in the 40s and 50s with Cerebral Palsy ( I wish you can explain 'Cerebral Palsy), and made his life's mission to help those who was in need. I was raised on a picket line: demanding that the Post Office in our rural town be made accessible or practicing writing by sending letters to public officials about the ADA. He helped me realize that we are all connected to each other and that an injustice of one person is truly an injustice of all town peolple. Volunteering was normal practice in my household, so it was obvious that this path would lead me to AmeriCorps and moreover to the Peace Corps.

Being under politics in Rhode Island is like being under a microscope. Every moves you make are scrutinized and analyzed. Hoverver, luckly,I used to it. I made a name for myself by giving respect, and earning it in return. I've ever said no to a task, but always said thank you. I wanted nothing more than the chance to help those from this great state. So I ask you for that same opportunity.

First, I think I do not understand what you want to say in each sentence but I can understand what you want to say utimatly. I like the story. This is not a perfect correction but I hope it is helpful for you. Good Luck.

Keep the verb tense consistent, friend:
...made it his life's mission to help those who were in need. ------It makes a nicer style.

Use italics if you can:
I never said no to a task, and always said thank you Let's express this idea in a better way. Give an example.