Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
As a Jew I am deeply concerned with the difficult relationship between Jews and Muslims and
I have a deep love for acting which lets me understand other people.
This is why I was fascinated to star in the movie project "Shadows" which promoted exchange between Jewish and Muslim teenagers.
The casting process consisted of role-playing and included over 200 applicants.
Because of our success in these a Muslim girl and I were chosen to be in the actual movie where we would meet at night and talk about our culture.
For the movie I came up with funny anecdotes, told deeply personal stories and endured two hour long rehearsals in the cold happily, believing in the importance of dialogue.
Therefore I was happy that the headmaster of the girl's school was so impressed with the result that he would play the film for all students. We had actually made an impact.
The project had also great impact on me. I became good friends with the girl which showed me that true cultural understanding is possible.
Please be as harsh and honest as you can.
Because of our success in these a Muslim girl and I were chosen to be in the actual movie where
I would reword, "Because of my success and another's in the audition, a Muslim girl and I were chosen..."
I really can't find anything wrong with it, but it would be nice if you elaborate more on how you developed an impact and how the impact changed you.
Other than that, your essay is stellar.
Could you return the favor and give my Princeton Supplement a read?
Good essay. Like the post above, I think you talk more about the impact it had. It seems a little bit shallow at this point.
The beginning is nice but at the end it starts getting choppy and confusing like your syntax is off try and rephrase the sentences because at times they can be awkward and confusing like the part where you talk about the headmaster of the girl's school is just awkward try and reword please take a look at my essay thanks
At the beginning I would say
"My deep love for acting lets me understand other people, and, being Jewish, I am strongly concerned with the difficult relationship between Jews and Muslims. I was fascinated by the movie project I starred in called "Shadows," which promoted exchange between Jewish and Muslim teenagers."
I would try to reword the part about the casting process, it just sounds a little awkward. But the message in this is really good.
Hey Pottergirl, this really helped, thank you!
Because of our success in these a Muslim girl and I were chosen to be in the actual movie where we would meet at night and talk about our culture. This seems a little awkward.
I would say you could elaborate more on the actual working on the movie.
Overall, there is a great idea.
i agree with the above posters. just try and reword the beginning. it's a little awkward and it seems weird. just ease into it a little. other than that it is awesome!
could you check out my revised rice supplement if you have a chance?
It seems borderline offensive at the beginning, seems like you are attempting to start a religious debate.
Would you mind explaining this cmaher92?
@paw1168
No, I could not. The character limit is downright fascist.
I don't know what cmaher92 is talking about, there is nothing offensive about the first sentence at all. Don't worry about that.
"I have a deep love for acting which lets me understand other people."
You should elaborate on this. How does your deep love for acting let you understand other people? Make a stronger connection for the reader.
Other than that, there is honesty not much I can say about your essay. It is extremely well written and engaging. This is probably one of the better essays I've looked at on this site. Keep it up and good luck! :)
