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I was a shy boy with no English knowledge; MIT short essay- Finding myself



luky0ne 7 / 27  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

Everyone wants to have their voice heard, but ever since I was small this has been a difficult thing to do. I started my life off in China and moved to the US at the age of 4 as a shy boy with no knowledge of English, into a neighborhood that had no Asians. I was in the extreme minority. Because of this I tried so hard to fit into the dominantly-Caucasian community, with no avail. The bullies would continue to take interest in me as the lonely Asian and, even when I notified the teachers, nothing would change. As life continued I would become accustom to the daily routine of what I can do and what I can't, but before I became comfortable with this, I would move and restart the whole process. Life was dreadful, and I would always wonder "why can't they accept me?" It wasn't until later on did I find the answer.

After switching school systems 4 times, I decided to stop trying to fit in; I was going to focus only on my goals. Surprisingly this was the solution; it wasn't that other people wouldn't accept me, it was that I didn't accept myself. I've always tried to blend into society, believing it was the best thing to do, by dissolving my individuality, but it was the other way around: I blended in by expressing my individuality. Now in High school, I'm no longer the lonely Asian boy, but the confident teen that many thinks has it all: confidence, intelligence, and friends!

Criticize please :). Oh and its hitting 259 words, any suggestions on shortening?

ll931110 7 / 15  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
Being over a few words is fine; however, I think you can make clearer what you have done. What have you done to blend into the society (clubs, debates, school projects, etc.)? With a few more details, I think your essay is great!
gdiazdeleon 2 / 7  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
It wasn't until later on did I find the answer.

It wasn't until later that I found the answer ... up to you but i think its sounds a little better.

great essay however! good luck with MIT!


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