Significant setback/challenge/opportunity - "Male Cheerleader"

When one usually pictures cheerleaders, one usually thinks of blonde girls with short skirts bouncing up and down with a pair of pom poms. I suppose that I am a contradiction because I was a cheerleader and I definitely was not a blonde girl with a short skirt. My school is fifty years old yet has never had a male cheerleader before. However, this statement changed in 2010 when I became my school's first male cheerleader. I had made school history but I did not feel like joining the school's cheer squad. The reaction from the school after the pep rally was mixed. Some applauded my efforts and even congratulated me on my courage and my performance. Others did not have nice things to say and did not seem to like the fact that I joined the cheer squad. I was foolish and let other peoples' comments get to me. I would get hateful messages on Facebook. Some people said that I should not even be wasting my time with cheerleading because it is not a sport. These comments could be considered nice when compared to other things that people talked about me. It got so bad that the night before the pep rally I cried all night. Personally, I think Cheerleading is a sport. It requires determination, athletic ability, and teamwork just like football and soccer. I did not let the words phase me and instead spent time at practices practicing and honing my skills for cheerleading. As the pep rally approached I knew that I was under an immense amount of pressure. I had to go out there and give it everything I have in order to prove those people who did not believe in me wrong. As my team mates and I entered the gymnasium we were met with deafening screams of excitement. As the music started, my body began to run through the motions, as if it were any other day at practice. As the routine closed to an end, I realized that there were only seconds in the routine and I performed my round off back handspring. It was the most amazing feeling, the closest thing to flying. I stuck the landing and threw my arms up as if that single action showed all the people that did not want me to do this. The entire school erupted with shouts as the routine ended. I knew I had a point to prove and I proved it. Some people doubted that I joined cheerleading for the right reasons. However, I not only proved that I was serious about the sport and that I was actually pretty good at it, regardless of my gender. I showed that I could do everything that the girls on the team could do.

Unfortunately, I had to leave cheerleading due to an injury in my sophomore year. It was one of the saddest moments of my life to leave something that has given me so much courage. Nevertheless, I will always draw joy from the fact that I was my school's first cheerleader and although no other guy has joined the cheer squad since me, I hope that my actions inspired others and that they will do what makes them happy despite any challenges. Cheerleading will always have a special place in my heart. It not only showed me that my body could physically do anything but it also showed me that I could mentally do anything I desired.

Hello Ablumfield,

Nice to meet you again! This time I am deeply impressed!! This is a really great essay! It shows your uniqueness, passion and commitment. I really like it!

If there's something you could improve on, I would say that you might work on


These sentences seem a little confusing. You can make it clearer by simply shifting the sentence order.

And maybe you can apart the first paragraph into two or three paragraphs. By doing so, the readers won't feel so much pressure =]

If you don't mind, can you please give me some suggestion on my essays? Especially the second one "tell us what you have read and thought about". Your help will be much appreciated!!! :D