Simplicity. Columbia Supp, Past experiences that attract you to a field of study

For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past experiences (either academic or personal) attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Member Questions section. If you are currently undecided, please write about any field or fields in which you may have an interest at this time. (300 words)

"Good afternoon ma'am, would you like to buy a chocolate?"

"Sure, where will the money go?"

"It goes to children around the world who are in need. Many of them have conditions or diseases and need medical care. You will be providing children with clean water and food."

I wiped the sweat from my brow, as I waited anxiously for her response.

"I'm so sorry, I don't have any change."

I knew that she was lying for I had seen this exact reaction many times before. How could she tell me that she had no money, when seconds ago, she was so inclined to purchase one? Had I not given her enough reason that her money would be well spent?

Frustrated at another failed attempt, I desired no part in asking anybody else whether they would like to purchase a chocolate for charity. However it was what I had signed up for, so I reluctantly asked another. I delivered the shortest of pitches, putting in no effort.

"Would you like to buy a chocolate to support children in need?"

Much to my dismay, he actually bought one. It wasn't the sale that annoyed me, but rather the fact that I made a sale when I tried the least.

In hindsight, I suppose simplicity was the key to all of this. In the midst of people's loud and busy lives, simplicity was a strong and compelling counterforce. Great things are built on simple foundations and on that day, what amazed me was not the words I had used, instead it was the words I hadn't.

This experience has shown me the true power of language, and has been a catalyst for my pursuit in studying creative writing at Columbia. I want to share my message with others, nothing more, nothing less.

Please criticize harshly, I really appreciate it.
I'll be sure to look at your essays in return.

I thought the idea was great! the essay captivated my attention from the start and its message was clear. It was concise and to the point and by the same token marked you as an excellent writer. I loved it honestly. you may just want to add another sentence about your interest to study at Columbia or how you can benefit from there.

PS. please look at my cornell essay and criticize harshly as well

Very good essay, strong writing and to-the-point. Just one thing: I think you should replace the "instead it was" with "but"

"Great things are built on simple foundations and on that day, what amazed me was not the words I had used, instead it wasbut the words I hadn't."

I really like it! It is a unique way to express an interest in writing. However, something I would suggest is that in the beginning you specify who is talking. B/c it took me a bit to figure out that you were the one selling the chocolate, not buying it.