Hi. I've worked on another College Admission Essay.
It's my first draft and insanely long. I'll be working on cutting it. For example, I think the first paragraph can be removed without compromising content.
I also feel that a lot of description paragraphs should be deleted to shift the focus to the lessons I learnt from my flying experience.
But I'd like to hear others' opinion on the content. Do I sound too smug when I say that I can grasp the flying concepts quickly enough?
The cool morning air was fresh and the sun was out, gently illuminating the runway ahead. As I walked around the Piper Warrior II carrying out external checks, the surroundings were unnaturally quiet, without the usual chatter of technicians or roar of engines. I patted the bright yellow wings of the plane, a little more carefully than I usually did, as if it would offer me additional luck.
The familiar strong smell of leather and sweat hit me as I climbed into the cockpit and strapped myself in for Pre-Start Checks. I went through Checks especially thoroughly today, for fear that it would be the last time I would adjust the altimeter, flip the switches, lock in the primer, arm the ELT...
I sat back and waited for my instructor, running through the Air Exercise mentally in the meantime. I could hear my father revising with me in my head, 'Come on, Mandy! It's not difficult. Entry into a Medium Level Turn: Lookout, 30o angle of bank on your ailerons, apply the rudder and slight Back Pressure. You know this, just practise coordinating it with your arms and legs.' He demonstrated several times, holding my hands to guide me through the motions.
It came so naturally to him. After all, he had been flying since he entered the Air Force... <not sure of the details, I'll fill it in later> I grew up watching the walls at home accumulate with awards, plaques and frames of fighter jets. As he shared with me the exhilaration of flying, my curiosity about flying developed over the years.
I joined the Singapore Youth Flying Club (SYFC), Course 152, eager to learn about the skies that had captured my father's love and admiration for so long. Sitting through lectures, experimenting with simulators and flying in the Piper Warrior II, I began to understand the indescribable thrill behind flying in the skies. Flying was no longer a search to understand my father's love. Flying became MY love.
This would be my 8th flight (sortie), time for my instructor to decide if I would be selected to continue for the Basic Flying Course II. This was my last chance to prove to my instructor my capability and I had been preparing for it for days. I could not fail...
My instructor climbed in, prepared with his cap, shades, gloves and flying suit. Wong CC, well-reputed as a strict but good instructor, the man whom I respected and feared so much. Each compliment would send me over the moon while each failing he pointed out would motivate me to practise at the simulator for hours.
"Ready? This is your 8th sortie, right? So, let's see how today goes and I'll decide if you make it through the next round."
It was both the best and the worst flight ever. I took the time to better appreciate the thrill of flying, that subtle lurch in the stomach with my take-off, the morning view up in the skies, the proximity of the clouds, the power I felt as I held the Control Column, the whirr of the engine... I got to experience stunts, rollovers and rocking of the plane as we daringly flew through clouds.
But it was in that same flight that my flying dream was cut short. My mind was clear on what to do but my limbs just would not obey. I just could not turn 30o accurately enough, always over or under-estimating. I could not lock down the Control Column without moving it slightly. During stall recovery, I lacked the strength to pull the Control Column toward me without using both of my hands. In my head, I constantly reprimanded myself, 'Buck up! You have to perform well if you want to get selected!'
The outcome of my flying fate was obvious. After my instructor kindly broke the news to me, I hid in the locker room and could not help but cry. It was my first real failure. I had always believed that if I wanted something bad enough and worked hard at it, I would be able to achieve anything. I had never been proven wrong so far. I had always achieved what I set out to do, until today. I had wanted very badly to be selected into the next round, to make my father proud and more importantly, to fulfil my dreams of flying. The disappointment was just overwhelming.
As I mulled over my failure, I realized that 'Intelligence' wasn't everything. I could grasp the flying concepts easily enough. I could easily recite the optimal speeds and altitudes of all air exercises, recall all the necessary Checks... but yet I would fumble when I was in the air. I thought I would be able to overcome my failings with more practice but evidently, that wasn't sufficient. The key was 'Experience'. If I wasn't naturally gifted in flying, I would have to put in more than the 3 months of practice. 'Experience' would take a lot of effort to accumulate but to continue my dream of flying, it would not be an insurmountable task.
And that is why we respect people with experience. We acknowledge that their experience did not come easy, but with hard work and time. That perhaps explains the inexplicable admiration I have for my instructor. Underneath his harsh exterior, broken English and comical inability to pronounce my name correctly, I could see that he had gotten to where he was today, out of sheer hard work over the years.
I still have yet to remove the cockpit poster on my bedroom wall. To me, it serves as two reminders. Firstly, my flying dream has yet to be fulfilled. One day, I'll follow my instructor's advice to take up private flying lessons, ready to put in hours of practice and gain experience. Secondly, it reminds me of the humbling lesson learnt at SYFC, spurring me to venture out in the world and humbly learn from other's experiences. It is with this mentality that I hope to enter <University Name> and have the opportunity to gain and learn from others, the experience I will need to be successful in life.
I can't seem to put down in words the Reflection portion. If any of you could help me better put in words my ideas, please feel free to give your suggestions!
I also feel very strongly for this line in a famous poem. 'Because I Fly, I envy no man on earth.' I would like to put it in but can't see any relevant area for me to insert in. Please do suggest if you can help me!
Also, one concern of mine is if all the Flying lingo puts anybody off. I put them in to better illustrate my Flying experience but I hope it doesn't backfire!
Thank you very much!
It's my first draft and insanely long. I'll be working on cutting it. For example, I think the first paragraph can be removed without compromising content.
I also feel that a lot of description paragraphs should be deleted to shift the focus to the lessons I learnt from my flying experience.
But I'd like to hear others' opinion on the content. Do I sound too smug when I say that I can grasp the flying concepts quickly enough?
The cool morning air was fresh and the sun was out, gently illuminating the runway ahead. As I walked around the Piper Warrior II carrying out external checks, the surroundings were unnaturally quiet, without the usual chatter of technicians or roar of engines. I patted the bright yellow wings of the plane, a little more carefully than I usually did, as if it would offer me additional luck.
The familiar strong smell of leather and sweat hit me as I climbed into the cockpit and strapped myself in for Pre-Start Checks. I went through Checks especially thoroughly today, for fear that it would be the last time I would adjust the altimeter, flip the switches, lock in the primer, arm the ELT...
I sat back and waited for my instructor, running through the Air Exercise mentally in the meantime. I could hear my father revising with me in my head, 'Come on, Mandy! It's not difficult. Entry into a Medium Level Turn: Lookout, 30o angle of bank on your ailerons, apply the rudder and slight Back Pressure. You know this, just practise coordinating it with your arms and legs.' He demonstrated several times, holding my hands to guide me through the motions.
It came so naturally to him. After all, he had been flying since he entered the Air Force... <not sure of the details, I'll fill it in later> I grew up watching the walls at home accumulate with awards, plaques and frames of fighter jets. As he shared with me the exhilaration of flying, my curiosity about flying developed over the years.
I joined the Singapore Youth Flying Club (SYFC), Course 152, eager to learn about the skies that had captured my father's love and admiration for so long. Sitting through lectures, experimenting with simulators and flying in the Piper Warrior II, I began to understand the indescribable thrill behind flying in the skies. Flying was no longer a search to understand my father's love. Flying became MY love.
This would be my 8th flight (sortie), time for my instructor to decide if I would be selected to continue for the Basic Flying Course II. This was my last chance to prove to my instructor my capability and I had been preparing for it for days. I could not fail...
My instructor climbed in, prepared with his cap, shades, gloves and flying suit. Wong CC, well-reputed as a strict but good instructor, the man whom I respected and feared so much. Each compliment would send me over the moon while each failing he pointed out would motivate me to practise at the simulator for hours.
"Ready? This is your 8th sortie, right? So, let's see how today goes and I'll decide if you make it through the next round."
It was both the best and the worst flight ever. I took the time to better appreciate the thrill of flying, that subtle lurch in the stomach with my take-off, the morning view up in the skies, the proximity of the clouds, the power I felt as I held the Control Column, the whirr of the engine... I got to experience stunts, rollovers and rocking of the plane as we daringly flew through clouds.
But it was in that same flight that my flying dream was cut short. My mind was clear on what to do but my limbs just would not obey. I just could not turn 30o accurately enough, always over or under-estimating. I could not lock down the Control Column without moving it slightly. During stall recovery, I lacked the strength to pull the Control Column toward me without using both of my hands. In my head, I constantly reprimanded myself, 'Buck up! You have to perform well if you want to get selected!'
The outcome of my flying fate was obvious. After my instructor kindly broke the news to me, I hid in the locker room and could not help but cry. It was my first real failure. I had always believed that if I wanted something bad enough and worked hard at it, I would be able to achieve anything. I had never been proven wrong so far. I had always achieved what I set out to do, until today. I had wanted very badly to be selected into the next round, to make my father proud and more importantly, to fulfil my dreams of flying. The disappointment was just overwhelming.
As I mulled over my failure, I realized that 'Intelligence' wasn't everything. I could grasp the flying concepts easily enough. I could easily recite the optimal speeds and altitudes of all air exercises, recall all the necessary Checks... but yet I would fumble when I was in the air. I thought I would be able to overcome my failings with more practice but evidently, that wasn't sufficient. The key was 'Experience'. If I wasn't naturally gifted in flying, I would have to put in more than the 3 months of practice. 'Experience' would take a lot of effort to accumulate but to continue my dream of flying, it would not be an insurmountable task.
And that is why we respect people with experience. We acknowledge that their experience did not come easy, but with hard work and time. That perhaps explains the inexplicable admiration I have for my instructor. Underneath his harsh exterior, broken English and comical inability to pronounce my name correctly, I could see that he had gotten to where he was today, out of sheer hard work over the years.
I still have yet to remove the cockpit poster on my bedroom wall. To me, it serves as two reminders. Firstly, my flying dream has yet to be fulfilled. One day, I'll follow my instructor's advice to take up private flying lessons, ready to put in hours of practice and gain experience. Secondly, it reminds me of the humbling lesson learnt at SYFC, spurring me to venture out in the world and humbly learn from other's experiences. It is with this mentality that I hope to enter <University Name> and have the opportunity to gain and learn from others, the experience I will need to be successful in life.
I can't seem to put down in words the Reflection portion. If any of you could help me better put in words my ideas, please feel free to give your suggestions!
I also feel very strongly for this line in a famous poem. 'Because I Fly, I envy no man on earth.' I would like to put it in but can't see any relevant area for me to insert in. Please do suggest if you can help me!
Also, one concern of mine is if all the Flying lingo puts anybody off. I put them in to better illustrate my Flying experience but I hope it doesn't backfire!
Thank you very much!