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'Singing being a Filipino' - UC-- Describe the world you come from



coolname 1 / 3  
Nov 16, 2011   #1
Thanks in advance to anyone who provides feedback.
Topic: Describe the world you come from -- for example, your family, community or school -- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My parents are probably the worst singers in the world, a statement they would readily agree with. Since two negatives make a positive, I was given a voice that could melt the hearts of millions; a voice that would create numerous hits and generate platinum awards. Okay maybe not. But when I first started singing, my parents knew they had to nurture this musical ability.

Singing is a very important part of being a Filipino. If there is one thing that is always at a Filipino party, it is the karaoke machine. Karaoke singing is usually the main event of the night and once everyone has settled down and had their fill the showdown begins. The adults start off with their usual love songs and duets and at some point in the night an Elvis impersonator will make his appearance. These however are only the opening acts, which lead up to the main event: the children's portion. It is the time when parents can show off their cute little child's talent. In fact, ask any Filipino that is my age or younger and they will most likely have a story about these classic karaoke nights. For me, those stories consist of wooing the audience with the music of N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys and in the end folks would compliment my parents and me on a job well done.

At the age of 6, my parents bought me a karaoke machine. Every day I would be singing and practicing and instead of wanting new toys, I asked for more song selections. I even got to a point where I had songs committed to memory just so I could feel the music instead of read it off the television. This was the time when I first displayed the ability to work hard and show perseverance. I learned how to compete with myself in order to get a higher score on the karaoke machine each time. Eventually I became known for my voice and not as an adorable little boy who could sing.

With age, my karaoke career began to dwindle and it was time for a new generation of child singers to wow the crowd. This however did not set me back because I continued to sing. Today, I continue to instill the qualities I learned at such a young age. I have persevered and received spots in All-State choirs through my tenure in my school's choir program. My knack for competing has evolved and has even helped me in my academic studies. Although I am unsure of what career path I should take, singing has given me confidence to know that as long as I work hard and put forth a great deal of effort, I can basically be anything I desire.

Sure my parents may be the worst singers ever, but it is because of their support for music that I have the integral characteristics needed for success in any path I take.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---

Are there any sentences I should combine or remove?
Do you find some information uneccessary?
My writings sometimes do not flow correctly so how was it on this one?
Do you think I answered the topic?

Thanks again for all your help!

menukagrg 7 / 88  
Nov 16, 2011   #2
First question- maybe the third paragraph could be made better ...i don't know how but it feels like it's a significant part of your singing career.

Second question- Not really, the last paragraph sounds a bit cheesy but then again, pretty much a lot of college essays are.

Third- I think you stayed well on the topic. There was no drifting apart from the main content.

Fourth- For the most part, yes. Maybe talk about your dream more passionately.

Ps. I really loved the first half. The second half could probably be better.
Good luck.
OP coolname 1 / 3  
Nov 16, 2011   #3
Thanks for your suggestions! I also thought the second half was lacking but i just wasn't sure about how i should change it yet.

Thanks again!
MIT2016 2 / 18  
Nov 16, 2011   #4
I agree that the second portion lacks the tone. You said 'singing taught you to compete with others and work hard.' That's great but you didn't provide much detail on that. I think you can do that by curtailing some of the Filipino tradition part.

Overall, it's a good start. :)

And do hep with mine.


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