option # 1 for the common app college essay; "Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."i would really appreciate it if anyone can read my essay and give me constructive criticism. (im applying to MIT, Cornell, Columbia, Yale, Stanford and NYU and some SUNYs)
Under A Single Roof
Light ricochets off of the silver linings of the clouds, penetrating through the glass, past my eyes, "No, I am not ready for this" I weep as I sit on a flight from New Delhi to JFK. Whilst I sit through the flight, the emotions flash into my memory as my chest continues to ache.
I was only nine months old when my father came to America in hopes of finding a better job. Just as Atlas had to bear the burden of separating the sky from earth, my father had to bear the burden of living apart from the one thing he sincerely loved, his family, ensuring they received all the provision that anyone deserved. With so much importance placed on finding a stable income source, the idea of a son needing his father was lost. Without my papa to watch me receive an award or to teach me how to play soccer, I quickly became idle. Even though my grandparents' and my mother's love was never insufficient, there was still a vacancy in my heart that only my papa could fill.
At the age of twelve, I found out that my papa had made arrangements for my sister and me to come and live with him in the U.S. It was almost like my wishes had come true; I was finally able to be with him. But I was jumping out of a sinking boat only to swim amongst sharks. I had to leave the shelter of my mom's affection, affection that had given me my purpose for living for thirteen years. I was being separated from the woman whom I had lived with, whose arms I had slept in, since birth. On December 31st, 2008, I was torn in half, leaving behind my home, my friends, my grandma, my little sister, my mama... my childhood.
I looked over my left shoulder; my papa and sister were sleeping. I turned my head and continued staring at the clouds. The sun was gone, as if it were hiding from me, unable to face what was recurring. Dusk crept into my soul. The sky was getting upset, preparing for a storm, a storm that was inevitably going to bend my life. Maybe the worst was just about to begin.
I started isolating myself from my mother and the rest of my family, thinking that maybe if I cut off communications, it would hurt me less. I was living with absolutely no connection except for a pitiful phone call occasionally. Being lonely only made me more depressed, made me question my existence. Not paying attention in school, constantly thinking about my purpose in the realm of this world, I changed. My heart drowned in tears seeing other kids with their mama and papa at parent-teacher conferences. These conferences left me desiring the love that I was torn away from. When I went back to India, I realized that she was far more significant than what I had given her the credit for. I understood that life may throw numerous adversities, opportunities, or even happy moments at you, the one thing you can't jeopardize, is your relationship with your parents.
I am not proud of what I did; I do wake up in the middle of the night, wondering, "What if I had acted a bit different?" I wouldn't have appreciated the importance of my parents. If it weren't for destiny separating me from my parents one after the other, I would have taken their presence for granted. I was unfortunate enough to experience life without my parents. But things are better now; my little sister just came to the U.S., which leaves my Mom, who is still living in India. I just hope that one day my family can live together under a single roof.
The content of your essay is outstanding. It's heartfelt and sincere, which is just what colleges want from an admissions essay. My one critique is that you need point out the difference between the sister who came with you to the U.S and the little sister who remained behind in India. Other than that, it's really difficult to find anything wrong with your essay.
