My sister, Stephanie: College Entrance Essay - Someone who has impacted my life.

I would like to know if this is a good enough paper for a college entrance essay.

Sometimes we come across a person who changes our whole perspective on life. Luckily, that person for me is my own sister. My sister has always encouraged me through the tough times and taught me important lessons along the way. My sister helped me grow into the person I and because of that I will always admire her.

My sister, Stephanie, taught me important life lessons like patience, honesty, and optimism. She showed me that in the tough times giving up is not an option, that I have to keep going no matter what happens. She helped me realize that while you may not always be able to get what you want you can make the best out of what you have. My sister has always been there for me, through the gratifying and dreadful times, and I know she will continue to be there for me.

She was always there to show me that things weren't as bad as It was making them out to be. When things didn't go my way when I wanted them to she told me to be patient and they would come - and they always did. She always told me to look on the bright side, that every cloud has its silver lining. But these simple lessons she taught me changed my whole outlook on life. It taught me that I always have to keep a positive attitude no matter what happens.

Even though she lives in Ohio now, she is still there when I need her to be. She still helps me with any problems I may have. I know she will always be there for me whenever I need her. So the person who inspired me the most is my sister. My best friend.

There are going to be a lot of people writing about their brothers and sisters. If you are absolutely certain that you want to write your college essay about her, keep in mind that it will have to be truly extraordinary in order to stand out.

This essay talks a lot about your sister, but she's not the one applying to college here, you are. The essay should be more about yourself then her. It would be better if you chose a specific incident in which your sister or something she taught you helped you, and how that experience helped you to grow as a person. I hope that's helpful.

Missing a word in this sentence.

How long does the school recommend you make the essay? A page? Two? Use paragraphs. End the first paragraph with an intriguing sentence that conveys the main idea of the whole essay. Can you sum it up in a sentence at the end of the first paragraph?

I think this needs to be longer. Also, the main idea of this seems to be: My sister has always been there for me and taught me important lessons. This is not very interesting. It is too plain.

I don't mean to be critical. You wrote some excellent sentences and you have a nice way of explaining things. But I want you to think of a concept... an INSIGHT. Do you know what I mean? Think of an interesting idea that relates to your sister AND your intentions for the future. Intrigue the reader with a concept that is worth writing an essay about. This is more like something you would write on a greeting card.

I think you can look at what you wrote and take inspiration from it. Write about a great concept that shows how reflective and thoughtful you are. Let's see a new draft that is longer and focused on one great concept! :-)