PLS correct my college essay,only few hours left!!Can anyone help me?I will really appreciate that!!!!!
Why Brandeis University?(250 words)
I love being at the heart of activity,in a sense that I engage actively in studies and interact with teachers and students enthusiastically.Our class is small. During the class, I always feel free to respond to teachers' questions, to propose a different way of thinking or to exchange ideas.My intention is not to impress others, but to interact with teachers and students and to learn from the conversation for the sake of learning. Once in the math class, I found that the math teacher had made a mistake on the board. I pointed it out,but the teacher thought I was wrong. I then explained my answer to him,and he paused for a second and realized that I was right. He appreciated that I had pointed out the mistake. I also lead a study group in which we help each other in studies until the problem is solved. We compete against ourselves,but not others.I love to interact with different people with diverse backgrounds. There are always so many intriguing aspects. It provides me a broader view of the world, not restraining myself in certain circles of people.
At Brandeis, classes are small and faculties are highly accessible. Students integrate in the Brandeis Undergraduate Group Study. Brandeis University is a good match for me. I hope to join the Ballet Club,Brandeis Academic Debate and Speech Society and Knitting Club to explore new and challenging experiences that Brandeis offers.The intimacy, attention, amiable study environment at Brandeis , will provide me with high quality of learning, strengthen my ability and prepare me for the future.
Your essay doesn't really begin until the end.
Answer any THREE of the questions below. Give me 50-100 words for each.
1. Why are small class sizes important to you?
2. Why are you interested in the undergraduate study group?
3. What is it about speech and debate that appeal to you?
4. Why do you like knitting instead of, say, playing basketball?
What time is this due?
EST 9:59 P.M,15 th Jan:(
I am answwering the questions,pls wait~~
1.Small class size enables me to obtain more attention from the teachers;high quality of learning,because teachers get time to answer our questions indivisually,we can interact with teachers and students easily;everyone has a voice to express his opinion;we share our viewpoints with each other and learn from conversations.
I'll wait. However, shortly I'll have to run a brief errand. Don't worry; I won't forget about you.
Include LOTS of FEELINGS words in your answers.
2.Study group:because I like intellectual engagement where people help each other,that I feel a sense of unity that we are knitted together;exchanging opinions;good study environment motivates me to work efficiently;simply feel good when I see a group of students who have the same determination as I do in pursuing our bright future
Not bad. Keep going.
I need closer to 100 words for each so that I can choose the best stuff to keep.
I'll have to leave in ten minutes FOR about fifteen minutes.
However, fear not...
3.to express myself clearly in front of the public;to build up my confidence;to develop analytically thinking skills?;to explore something new and to see what is my potential;challenge myself
Thanku so much for ur patience~!!
It's my pleasure. Go back and add more ideas to each. I don't care if you think you're just adding filler.
Your reader needs to know what makes YOU different from everyone else.
4.I chose knitting randomly:p
I want to say more about ballet:I have learned ballet for 5 years in China when I was small,but I gave it up because of studies,but then I left China for another country,I am able to slow down my pace a lil bit and I discovered I always loved dancing,I want to pursue my interest that I gave up when I was small.I love the feeling that the music transports me to another world.
Then forget about the knitting stuff.
Add more to the other parts; I'll be back in 25 min. (Pinky swear.)
1.Small class size:teachers care about the students academically and socially where you don't find it in some universities where teachers don't even know your name.we are motivated to work hard,because teachers set high expectations for us.
2.we influence each other positively and strive hard to achieve the goals,and we don't compete with others,but ourselves(amiable study environment)
and okkkk~:)
Now, using everything you've compiled so far, create one coherent paragraph about each issue I asked you to write about.
1.Small class size enables me to obtain more attention from the teachers;high quality of learning,because teachers get time to answer our questions indivisually,so we left no confusion during the class;we can interact with teachers and students easily(if there is no interaction,there would no point of going to an university,you simply can learn from a book.so interaction is very important in learning);everyone has a voice to express his opinion;we share our viewpoints with each other and learn from conversations;teachers care about the students academically and socially where you don't find it in some universities where teachers don't even know your name.we are motivated to work hard,because teachers set high expectations for us.
2.Study group:because I like intellectual engagement where people help each other;I feel a sense of unity that we are knitted together;exchanging opinions and learn from each other;good study environment motivates me to work more efficiently;simply feel good when I see a group of students who have the same determination as I do in pursuing our dreams;we influence each other positively and strive hard to achieve the goals,and we don't compete with others,but ourselves(amiable study environment)
3.to express myself clearly in front of the public,to speak my mind;to build up my confidence;to develop analytically thinking skills?;I haven't participate in this type of activity,but I am open to explore something new and challenging;and to see what is my potential;challenge myself.
all right.
Make everything into complete sentences.
1.Studying in a small class enables me to obtain more attention from the teachers who care about me academically and socially.I get the chance to propose questions and solve them in the class.During class discussions, we have a voice in which we can express our own thoughts and beliefs on the topic at hand. We exchange our ideas and learn from each other in conversation, correcting our mistakes and misconceptions while we do so,I gain a new approach to think differently.A high quality of learning is attained.We are also motivated to meet teachers expectation.
So far, so good.
Keep going; I will check back in about thirty minutes.
Don't use any lame cliches like "so far, so good."
don't get lost...I meant remember to come back:D
Are you still working?
When I integrate in a study group where the students possess the same determination as I do,to excel in studies,I feel a sense of unity exists between us.Knowledge naturally flows.Our intention is not to impress others,but simply to learn for the sake of learning.We influence each other positively and encourage each other to strive tenaciously to achieve our goals.We don't compete with others,but ourselves.The amiable study environment in which we study in groups motivates me to work more efficiently.
I wish to join the Brandeis Academic Debate and Speech Society.Even though I haven't participated in this type of activity,I am open to explore new and challenging experiences and to see what is my full potential.Participating in this event,I will be able to express myself clearly and to speak my mind in front of the public.I will build up my inner confidence and develop analytically thinking skills which prepare me for the future.
I also appreciate its rich diversity because I love to interact with different people coming from different cultural backgrounds. There are always so many thrilling and interesting aspects when we get to know diverse cultures. It provides me a broader view of the world, not restraining myself to certain circles of people. We learn from different people and it prepares us to compete in the international marketplace as well as in the future.
Got it.
Give me a moment...
Great improvement. Also I think that Jermey provided all of the advice that you need so my words can't really do you any better than his. Like you I also have an essay thats due in a few more hours.
Name of essay= 500 word essay colorado @ Boulder.
Please help with mine if you get a chance.
Write two sentences telling me what makes Brandeis so great.
Start with the words "Brandeis University."
Brandeis University offers intimacy and attention where no other universities can offer?
or provides amiable study environment?or armed us with abilities to embrace future?:pp
Uh, no.
Tell me why YOU are really choosing this school.
I want to explore my full potential and challenge myself,to be involved in a community where people trully cares about me.
You could do most of that at a community college.
Why would people care about you more at Brandeis? Is it a faith-based school?
We're working on your introduction, by the way.
umm,location?quick access to Boston and I am able to explore stuffs?
LOL. It's a hard question, I know.
Don't sweat the intro yet. Think of how you might improve study group and debate paragraphs.
Here's what I have SO FAR for your first body paragraph. (It's gonna change after I have dinner, which is right now. Be back in about 30 min.)
Studying in small classes will enable me learn and grow in an environment of intimacy and collaboration. During small-group discussions, each student has a unique voice with which to express her own thoughts and beliefs. Students can exchange ideas and learn from each other in conversation, correcting mistakes and clarifying misconceptions. In this regard, Brandeis presents to me the chance to gain an entirely new approach to thinking. Furthermore, individual contact with teachers ensures that I will remain motivated to meet their expectations. NEED ONE MORE SENTENCE HERE (and need to correct the cliche that ended the previous sentence)
Ok,I will try to think one.And sure,bon appetit!:)
I have no idea how to end in one sentence,it really needs to be concise..
btw,word limit is 250,now it is 410 already,need to cut down some sentences.
yeah!~~
umm,btw,word limit...250
Yes. I'm John, and I'm here.
I'm also well aware of the word limit.
You might think we have 400-something words, but we're not even close.
I've changed the order of your paragraphs. Below are the first two. I'm working on the third one right now. PROOFREAD THESE; I'm moving as quickly as I can.
INDENT Like most high school students, I'm accustomed to an "assembly-line" system of education wherein productive group work is rare. The Brandeis Undergraduate Group Study program is a source of interest and intrigue to me. I anticipate working with students who share my determination, drive, and desire; who seek unified goals. How could anything but meaningful knowledge result from such an arrangement? My aim is not to impress others but simply to learn for the sake of learning, to compete not with others but with myself.
INDENT Studying in small classes will enable me learn and grow in an environment of intimacy and collaboration. During small-group discussions, each student has a unique voice with which to express her own thoughts and beliefs. Students can exchange ideas and learn from each other in conversation, correcting mistakes and clarifying misconceptions. In this regard, Brandeis presents to me the chance to gain an entirely new approach to thinking-I will be forced to view course material from perspectives totally different from my own. Furthermore, individual and frequent contact with professors will ensure my continued motivation and accountability.
Wow~~ Amazing job!!! I am so impressed about how an essay could be improved in such a short time!!
keep on!! You two are great
Well I hope I'm conveying a sense of who YOU are without ever having met you.
Be sure to respond or make a comment once in a while just so that I'm sure we don't lose contact.
The essay is really good,and it seemed as if you have known me for years~
Well, let's hope you feel that way when the next (and final) body paragraph is done...
Ten more min or less I hope.
In the meantime, I need you to write 50-75 words telling me what you've learned about yourself during your high school years. If you wish, you can comment on how you've changed.
Don't worry---I haven't forgotten about the word count.
Write in your own voice. Don't use any big words. Write as though you're talking to a friend.
