A Small Step on the Other Side (Who am I? paragraph)

During all of my middle school years, I seemed as if I were to be a person who could fit in, but the more I tried, the more it didn't work. However, after middle school, my life has changed dramatically. I've become a person who can walk the walk, and take action in my life. I look at life, especially at this age, as time to experience new things. A time to get away from the same everyday routine, and enjoy the short time we have on earth. Most importantly, my life has transformed into a spiritual life. In other words, religion has played a major role in my life. I like to set goals. Whether it's to run my own business or work with animals. Some of my goals may seem unrealistic, but it will always give me something to enhance for. My beliefs still remain the same, but I have become more open minded to see the point of views as well as my own; giving me new perspectives and wisdom in all areas of my precious life. In conclusion, my independence as a christian has helped me improve my education and widen my view of other opinions.

<try rephrasing these two. What do you mean I seemed as if...?


incomplete thought. combine? it with the previous sentence.


Being open-minded and being the same... do they work together? I guess they could, if you were open minded to begin with, but you say you have become more so. that last part of the sentence, open minded to see other * points of view in addition to my own. You have an incomplete thought there with "giving..."

You lower-cased Christian...

About this, what is the "other side"? I understand the "who am I" part of the prompt, or so I think I do. However, I don't get the flow of ideas from you tried to fit in, then you now "walk the walk." I assume you are talking about your Christian walk, but I really can not say...

I'm getting several different vibes from this paragraph. You tried to fit in. That did not work. You became a Christian. Your views changed. You now live life going through new experiences. Your spiritual life is about goals? > running a business? Being open minded, yet keeping the same beliefs. I am truly puzzled.

Try to outline how Christianity has really affected your life. Then put it together as a coherent work about yourself. (did you answer the prompt?)

These 2 sentences need to be put together or one will be an incomplete (fragment of a) sentence.

I look at life, especially at this age, as time to experience new things, a time to get away from the same everyday routine and enjoy the short time we have on earth.

Capitalize Christian.

Independence as a Christian is an interesting concept. What does it make you independent from?

So, if I showed you this essay and asked if it covered everything about you, what would be missing? Whatever it is that is missing, is it more important than any of the things you wrote here? Actually, though, as I reread the essay it seems that every sentence is about something meaningful. This is very good!

Here is an idea: My beliefs still remain the same, but I have become more open minded to see the point of views as well as the ones that have been taught to me; giving me new ...