Here's the prompt:
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
And here's the essay itself:
The art of communication.
India is a country where people still value the respect given to their elders. After spending seven years in the United States, going back to India certainly took some adjustments, both culturally and socially. As I tried to fit in to the crowd, there was one banner plastered across my brain: Don't offend anyone. To every social gatherings, to every greeting, that message kept flashing. My consciousness would try to create a check list of things to do that's socially justified in Indian culture. I eventually found out I had a lot to learn and there was someone who indirectly walked me through it.
When I first met Mitul, I thought of him as someone who was irrational when it comes to talking with someone. He had a way of interfering with people's privacy. I noticed first hand when he started asking me deep and personal questions that would leave me feeling uncomfortable. My mindset was still that of American culture, where people don't ask you personal questions unless you know them pretty well, even cousins. I could have put that aside thinking it might be a cultural thing; however, even when talking to adults, he showed disrespect.
From my knowledge of Indian culture, I knew that elders enjoyed being talked to with respect. Keeping this in mind, I talked to elders and strangers with the utmost respect I could offer them. Calling them with their respected titles, saying the infamous namaste once a conversation was ended and most of all, giving them their privacy. I prided myself over how I knew this culture more than my own cousin Mitul.
Little did I know that I wasn't actually getting along with people. As months passed by, I started to feel that I wasn't really getting along with the culture well. My conversations as social gatherings watered down to a Hi, Hello and ended with namaste. That's it. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. At one point, after making short talks with my uncle, we sat there with time passing away. Then, Mitul comes along and starts a conversation with his usual out of line talk. But strangely, he got us to make some memorable time with him. That's when I saw who Mitul really was. To him, a conversation isn't about showing who you are, but striking a conversation that strikes at the heart of the person and makes them feel special. That's all that really matters and that's what he showed me that day, indirectly.
After that moment, the rest of my time was spent with observing and learning from Mitul. I started seeing how uplifting he was around people. Wherever we went, he would be there to make the place seem alive, all by simply talking with people. Reaching their hearts and showing the utmost care, in a daffy way. After being back in the states, I can feel an emptiness around me and the world seems a little gloomy. However, because of him, I feel a changed man. I've noticed my conversations have a lot more quality to it and depth to it that uplifts the place and enjoy the thing we call life.
End.
So can you help me edit this? I really really need my essays to look good!
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
And here's the essay itself:
The art of communication.
India is a country where people still value the respect given to their elders. After spending seven years in the United States, going back to India certainly took some adjustments, both culturally and socially. As I tried to fit in to the crowd, there was one banner plastered across my brain: Don't offend anyone. To every social gatherings, to every greeting, that message kept flashing. My consciousness would try to create a check list of things to do that's socially justified in Indian culture. I eventually found out I had a lot to learn and there was someone who indirectly walked me through it.
When I first met Mitul, I thought of him as someone who was irrational when it comes to talking with someone. He had a way of interfering with people's privacy. I noticed first hand when he started asking me deep and personal questions that would leave me feeling uncomfortable. My mindset was still that of American culture, where people don't ask you personal questions unless you know them pretty well, even cousins. I could have put that aside thinking it might be a cultural thing; however, even when talking to adults, he showed disrespect.
From my knowledge of Indian culture, I knew that elders enjoyed being talked to with respect. Keeping this in mind, I talked to elders and strangers with the utmost respect I could offer them. Calling them with their respected titles, saying the infamous namaste once a conversation was ended and most of all, giving them their privacy. I prided myself over how I knew this culture more than my own cousin Mitul.
Little did I know that I wasn't actually getting along with people. As months passed by, I started to feel that I wasn't really getting along with the culture well. My conversations as social gatherings watered down to a Hi, Hello and ended with namaste. That's it. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. At one point, after making short talks with my uncle, we sat there with time passing away. Then, Mitul comes along and starts a conversation with his usual out of line talk. But strangely, he got us to make some memorable time with him. That's when I saw who Mitul really was. To him, a conversation isn't about showing who you are, but striking a conversation that strikes at the heart of the person and makes them feel special. That's all that really matters and that's what he showed me that day, indirectly.
After that moment, the rest of my time was spent with observing and learning from Mitul. I started seeing how uplifting he was around people. Wherever we went, he would be there to make the place seem alive, all by simply talking with people. Reaching their hearts and showing the utmost care, in a daffy way. After being back in the states, I can feel an emptiness around me and the world seems a little gloomy. However, because of him, I feel a changed man. I've noticed my conversations have a lot more quality to it and depth to it that uplifts the place and enjoy the thing we call life.
End.
So can you help me edit this? I really really need my essays to look good!