Hello, this is my Adelphi admissions essay. Their essay limit is 500 words so if anyone can help me revise it and break it down, it'll mean the world to me.
Thanks!
Growing up, having the highest grades in classes, exams, being the
best in everything I did, was all I cared about. I was raised by Asian parents who had high
expectations and standards for me, the usual stereotype for Asians, "being the best in
everything", most importantly, our grades. Every low grade was frowned upon and having the
a high grade was rewarded with a treat. As I grew up, I have found something
that I've valued more than my grades and the rewards I've gotten on occasion:
the gift of singing and writing lyrics. Music is a whole lot different than from
achieving the high standards set for me in school; it's something I feel great
about, expressing feelings and letting go of everything, being free from your
world.
Both of my parents were raised in China during a time when high school
was hard to be admitted to, hence college. They were so affected, they wanted
me to have the good education they've never had. During middle school, I've
felt so stressed because everything seemed difficult and I was depressed from
all the hate against me. I was always isolated from my classmates during class,
mostly spending my time writing my own lyrics to appease myself and to try
to keep myself busy, rather than being lonely. Because I've never believed in
resolving problems by physical fights, I let all the stress, all the pain, and all
the hate out in a more expressive manner. By the end of middle school,
I have written over fifth lyrics, some which took took days, or even months.
Almost three years ago, in my freshman year, I was given the guitar class in
my school schedule. I never though I would be able to pick up a musical
instrument and play but I fell in love the moment I pulled that E string that
echoed sweetly in my ear. Rather than playing what I was instructed, I always hid
in the back, finding tabs for my favorite songs from Michelle Branch and Green
Day, learning to play them. I felt like I was in a whole new world when I started
to make songs with my lyrics.
Having guitar class was an adventure for me but I was given two more
tickets to even better adventures. As sophomore year was moving along, I
was selected for strings class, and one I was really excited about - choir, where I
was first soprano. Strings class blew my mind immediately. It was consisted of
violas, cellos, violins. I've completely adapted a love for my viola immediately
and I've fell in love with singing. Most importantly, I've discovered my singing
voice a talent I've never been more positive about. Since I've joined choir and
strings class, I've never missed out on being on performing in a single school
concert. In fact, last June, the strings orchestra won the silver medal during
the NYU music festival, which has been the highlight of my year. Winning an
award for something that we put our sweat and tears through, is appreciated,
especially for such an important event.
I cannot even begin to say how much playing the viola has changed my life,
most importantly, music itself. I've gotten more mature, more outspoken and
more confident about most of my actions. Sometimes, I think it's all because
of the straight posture-position I've had such a hard time going through. Many
think that music is all about the melody, but it's something more than that; rather
than letting your anger out on someone, you can let it all out on your
singing tone and in your own words in lyrical method. It took me a whole while to
learn that a fight is never the answer. Besides, what can one gain from such
violence? At times, I wish I could've recorded those songs I've made up and
would've probably had them sent to record labels by now, but I'm glad
I haven't. I've realized that aside from my personal interests, I would do anything
that would make my parents happy and myself the most happiest: keeping a
stable life and going to college to pursue the career I value the most.
Having a passion for music and writing lyrics may not be relevant in my
academic record, but all my achievements, all that I've been through, has broke
the musical record in my life.
Thanks!
Growing up, having the highest grades in classes, exams, being the
best in everything I did, was all I cared about. I was raised by Asian parents who had high
expectations and standards for me, the usual stereotype for Asians, "being the best in
everything", most importantly, our grades. Every low grade was frowned upon and having the
a high grade was rewarded with a treat. As I grew up, I have found something
that I've valued more than my grades and the rewards I've gotten on occasion:
the gift of singing and writing lyrics. Music is a whole lot different than from
achieving the high standards set for me in school; it's something I feel great
about, expressing feelings and letting go of everything, being free from your
world.
Both of my parents were raised in China during a time when high school
was hard to be admitted to, hence college. They were so affected, they wanted
me to have the good education they've never had. During middle school, I've
felt so stressed because everything seemed difficult and I was depressed from
all the hate against me. I was always isolated from my classmates during class,
mostly spending my time writing my own lyrics to appease myself and to try
to keep myself busy, rather than being lonely. Because I've never believed in
resolving problems by physical fights, I let all the stress, all the pain, and all
the hate out in a more expressive manner. By the end of middle school,
I have written over fifth lyrics, some which took took days, or even months.
Almost three years ago, in my freshman year, I was given the guitar class in
my school schedule. I never though I would be able to pick up a musical
instrument and play but I fell in love the moment I pulled that E string that
echoed sweetly in my ear. Rather than playing what I was instructed, I always hid
in the back, finding tabs for my favorite songs from Michelle Branch and Green
Day, learning to play them. I felt like I was in a whole new world when I started
to make songs with my lyrics.
Having guitar class was an adventure for me but I was given two more
tickets to even better adventures. As sophomore year was moving along, I
was selected for strings class, and one I was really excited about - choir, where I
was first soprano. Strings class blew my mind immediately. It was consisted of
violas, cellos, violins. I've completely adapted a love for my viola immediately
and I've fell in love with singing. Most importantly, I've discovered my singing
voice a talent I've never been more positive about. Since I've joined choir and
strings class, I've never missed out on being on performing in a single school
concert. In fact, last June, the strings orchestra won the silver medal during
the NYU music festival, which has been the highlight of my year. Winning an
award for something that we put our sweat and tears through, is appreciated,
especially for such an important event.
I cannot even begin to say how much playing the viola has changed my life,
most importantly, music itself. I've gotten more mature, more outspoken and
more confident about most of my actions. Sometimes, I think it's all because
of the straight posture-position I've had such a hard time going through. Many
think that music is all about the melody, but it's something more than that; rather
than letting your anger out on someone, you can let it all out on your
singing tone and in your own words in lyrical method. It took me a whole while to
learn that a fight is never the answer. Besides, what can one gain from such
violence? At times, I wish I could've recorded those songs I've made up and
would've probably had them sent to record labels by now, but I'm glad
I haven't. I've realized that aside from my personal interests, I would do anything
that would make my parents happy and myself the most happiest: keeping a
stable life and going to college to pursue the career I value the most.
Having a passion for music and writing lyrics may not be relevant in my
academic record, but all my achievements, all that I've been through, has broke
the musical record in my life.