The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community? Rec. 350-500 words
When thousands of applications flock into admissions offices all around the country every year, it's almost certain that a general trend occurs. A vast majority of students have exceptional credentials, making it hard to tell students apart. Many students end up looking exactly alike on paper, sharing similar test scores and academics. What separates all these students however is their character, their diversity. As a person who's grown up in many different locations, seized many different opportunities, and developed many different viewpoints, I'm able rise about these trends.
Born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, my diversity begins here. I've lived on the East Coast for half my life and in total I've moved four times. Having lived in numerous states on both sides of the country, I've become well rounded in many different cultures. From the urbane lifestyle of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to the hot sun of Delano, California, I've met numerous people from different places and have become familiar with many different lifestyles.
As with being enriched in different experiences, one stands out in particular. As a freshman, my English teacher began a poetry unit in which we were to write and share poetry. I fell madly in love. I learned about poets such as Spenser and Shakespeare and about the different types poems. Seeing this as a new opportunity, I experimented with poetry outside of school, keeping it to myself, rarely revealing it to anyone. It became a deep passion throughout high school. By the end of my junior year, I had handcrafted almost fifty poems ranging from elegies to villanelles, all with little recognition. What started out as a simple English unit turned into a raging passion; a passion fueled by nothing more than my interest in poetic lines.
When it comes to viewpoints, mine are well beyond typical. I believe discussing to be just as important as learning in our society. Just like the sophists of the ancient Greeks who constantly discussed and used rhetoric to win arguments, I value the ability to debate no matter what side you argue for. Family and friends often commented on how often I posed questions and how angry they would become when I refused to agree with them. My love for debating has allowed me to see both sides of any argument and has allowed me to develop more complex viewpoints than someone who is simply one sided.
Thousands of similar candidates will send their applications to your office. With it, trends among students will inevitably occur. There'll be groups of students who stand out to be a certain characteristic, and groups of students who stand out to be another. Deep within those groups of students who share commonalities, I hope to be the one that rises above the norm, the one who has lived in all corners of the US, the one who will write sonnets in secrecy and argue endlessly over anything. It is with this diversity that I find myself able to contribute to your community.
Words: 497
Any thoughts?
Too many topics for only 500 words?
Do I need to be more selective?
Im Filipino (Asian), should I include something about my race? Seriously?
The first paragraph only has one sentence starting with "I".. But you should know that the school wants YOU to respond with YOUR own characteristics and individuality. So I suggest you put more emphasis on how YOU are distinguished from the others, why YOU are special and how YOU can contribute to the community in stead of using too much space describing what other people, or the main stream are doing or thinking.
Be direct. To the point.
Make one point. and Make it clear and concise. So you won't wander about. Add more details and evidence to strengthen your thesis.
I'm able rise about these trends. I don't know what this means?
I fell madly in love. is ambiguous. add "with poetry" at the end.
all with little recognition. can be deleted, because there's no point in mentioning.
Hope it ll help.
First time posting, but this is what I think:
Don't think you emphasized enough on what the question is asking- "How would you contribute to this community?"
1. I understand your intention in the 'poem' paragraph (I write poems too), but it doesn't tell much.
Maybe emphasis on the process of writing, e.g:
What things (in daily life) inspire you to write certain themes or types of poem?
How has it increased or changed your viewpoint or perspectives?
2. how has living in different places, your passion for poem and debate link together?
Perhaps have a concluding paragraph that links these three things.
3. It's only 350 - 500 words, the first and last paragraph is unnecessary (like what emanon said)
4. Most importantly, back to what I first stated- EXPLAIN - "How would you contribute to this community?"
I don't know if I'm correct or if I helped at all, but this is my opinion.
