When I was in 9th grade in South Korea, my parents asked me and my brother to experience being an exchange student to United States because they wanted us to see the bigger world and have a bigger dream. After researching and considering the exchange student program, I decided to study abroad, but my brother did not. Thus, when I went to America, I was alone. In that time, I thought it would be fun and exciting without thinking about homesickness, communication with strangers and a new environment. I soon learned, however, that I would be facing many challenges that I had not anticipated. In the first few weeks in United States, I tried to adjust to my new environment in Louisville, Kentucky. When I went to Doss High School, I felt I was not part of this world because every people stared at me and talked to me with strange words that I could not understand. I had a hard time making new friends and do my homework because I could not completely understand what people said and meant. After three months, I made new friends and finally I was able to communicate with people. This gave me confidence and it taught me the value of perseverance. After I adjusted to my new environment, I enjoyed school life in Louisville, but at the end of the year, I decided to take on a new challenge. I transferred to a private school in upstate New York that was more academically regions.
Near the end of my Kentucky life my parents asked whether I wanted to study abroad or came back to Korea. First, I thought I would not want to have the same experience that had in Kentucky, again, but I changed my mind to stay in United States because I was tired of the education system in Korea, which forces students to stay until night to study under teachers' eyes. I moved near Albany to go Albany Academy which used to be a military school. Unlike the public school in Kentucky, everyone wore uniforms and had a nice haircut. On the first day, I talked to many students who were interested in me as a foreign student. They asked about my cultural background, and they were friendly compared to students that I met in Kentucky. Life in Albany was smooth. I joined Cadet Corps which continues military school's tradition. Cadet Corps do three marching events, marching for 9/1, walk for Frankie and Veterans Day, many fund raising and most of school events every year: We sell car wash tickets for raising money for our needs and giving charity. We bring flags out for football and basketball home games. I learned a responsibility by marching and playing beats on downtown, Albany as I was one of drum line members.
All of this American experience would be impossible without helps from nice host families. Even though I had a hard time to learn American culture from my Kentucky host family in the beginning, I learned American manners; I need to put down a toilet cover for women after I do my business in a bathroom and nicely arrange my cover after I get out my bed. My Albany host family is really supportable for my academic works, college visit and my sports. My Albany host parents ask me how I am doing in the classes, ask for helping my writing that I am not good at and pick me up after my sports. They are always glad to take me to any college that I want to see near New York.
I am now looking for the rest adventure that will be challenge for me. Though challenge comes with danger, I am ready to take the risk and find new value of my life, which will bring more excitement and success. Maybe my next adventure will be a college life.
feel free to make correction and give a tip.
Hello, fellow Korean. I am a Korean too!
Anyways, I don't know whay your prompt and your word limits are, but I'll try my best to help you out.
Your first sentence, Seems waaaaay to long.
Just split it in two. "When I was in 9th grade in South Korea, my parents asked me and my brother to experience being an exchange (awkward) student to United States.because They wanted us to see the bigger world and have a bigger dream.
Thus, when I went to America, I was alone - redundent. You already told the reader your brother didn't go.
I felt I was not part of this world because every people stared at me and talked to me with strange words that I could not understand . I had a hard time making new friends and do my homework because I could not completely understand - again, redundent. Better word choice
Good solid essay. I could tell you overcame obstacles with persistence.
The first sentence is well written! I just want to make one small change:
to experience being exchange students an exchange student to in the United States, because...
I think you have the wrong word here:
more academically regions rigorous. ------google 'regions' to see what it means.
When you talk about something that happened in the past, and then you talk about something even further in the past, use "had"----> They asked about my cultural background, and they were friendly compared to students that I had met in Kentucky. Life in Albany was smooth. ----right here, you did a good job of varying your sentence length.
When you use "help" as a noun, never use an s:
All of this American experience would be impossible without helps help from nice host families. Even though I had a hard time to learning American culture ...
At the end of the essay, I think you should talk more about YOUR specific goals for the next 2 years and also for the next 5 years.
:-)
