'I am from South Korea' - RICE UNIVERSITY-PERSPECTIVE ESSAY

Yes, I am from South Korea, a tiny country which is hardly visible on a map. I share the same nationality with many celebrated athletes from a famous figure skater Kim Yu-Na to a world-renowned soccer player Park Ji-Sung. I grew up listening to K-pop and am a part of the new K-Pop generation. All these people and I have one thing in common: determination and willpower to achieve a goal.

I personally define Koreans, including myself, as an epitome of a group of people who are determined, stubborn, and hard-working. Koreans never give up; whenever they face hardship, not only they don't hesitate to go on, but are happy to accept the challenge. As a young girl, I grew up watching my father, my personal mentor and my hero, work and study. A typical Korean, my father is one of the most hard-working people I know. His day begins at four in the morning during which he recites everything that he had learned in the previous day for two hours straight. Afterwards, he prepares for his work day and leaves for work; he only returns at ten in the evening. My father endlessly challenges himself by attempting to learn new things every day. I was always impressed how he continues his education even at his old age, and he a great influence to me, I was always reminded how important it is to be determined to work toward my goal.

As I became older, I faced challenges that would shape me as me today. Always thinking of my hardworking father, I overcame those hardships with perseverance. The first one was learning violin. I started to play violin when I was in 3rd grade; I was just trying it out for fun, but after awhile, I was engrossed in practicing it. Playing violin was not an easy task. My short fingers were stretched out to a great extent, leaving red marks on each finger tips, and the shoulder rest bruised my chin. My whole body was suffering from the aftermath of violin practices; however, my Korean persistence told me that I just can't give up. It was my decision to play violin and I had to try as hard as I could. Today I still continue to play in my school orchestra as a first violinist, and recently my orchestra was honored to attend the Midwest Conference, the highest honor that a high school orchestra can have. Looking back at what I have been through, I can't believe I actually put myself in that. I was stubborn, patient, hardworking, and most of all, dedicated. If my dedication didn't drive me to run toward the goal, I would be different today, absolutely alien to the world of music and violin. Music gave me strength and courage to go through anything.

Another challenge came in my junior year in high school, when I had an opportunity to be involved in a UIL Spelling Competition. As a bilingual speaker whose first language isn't English, participating in a spelling contest was a distant idea for me. I encountered 1,500 foreign words, and had a hard time scoring high on the practice exams. When I took the first practice test, I knew I wasn't ready; however, after seeing my failing score, I was unbelievably shocked and disappointed in myself-the experience motivated me to push my limits. Sitting in my desk to memorize words for hours was an excruciating experience, but it was worth it when my team won the state spelling championship. Not only did I win the medals, but I also gained a valuable lesson that determination is all I need to achieve my goals and that I am capable of doing anything as long as I work hard for it.

All the challenges that I faced throughout my life proves and defines me obstinate, determined, and goal-oriented. If I was to attend Rice University, I will boldly bring my perseverance and determination to the others, influencing them to bring challenges in their lives and improve them in persons. I will present my personality that inspires others to work harder to achieve their goals, and will also learn from their unique personalities and perspectives that they will bring to Rice. After all, Rice University is another big challenge that came into my life for me to conquer.

Hello Yoo-Won. This was a pleasant read, but allow me to make a few minor suggestions:

1) Your topic sentence is unclear. Perhaps, you should modify it to something along the lines of the following: "My name is Yoo-Won Kim, and I hail from South Korea". This is much clearer and bolder. Generally, I find topic sentences that are forthright to be the most effective. Furthermore, South Korea is a well-known country. You do not want to sound naive by writing that it is 'invisible'. Tiny, it may be.

2) You have small grammatical errors. This is acceptable because you are bilingual, but I find that it would be even more impressive if you wrote an essay with perfect grammar. Grammar is generally quite easy to fix. For instance, "He endlessly challenged himself by self-educating himself new things every day." Because you are speaking about your father, it is unnecessary to mention that he is "self-educating himself". Self-education is generally applied to one's self. Thus, it would be more effective if you wrote "A typical Korean, my father is one of the most hard-working people I know. His day begins at four in the morning during which he recites everything that he had learned in the previous day for two hours straight. Afterwards, he prepares for his work day and leaves for work; he only returns at ten in the evening. My father endlessly challenges himself by attempting to learn new things every day."

3) Your three paragraphs don't have much connection to one another. I would suggest focusing on one thing-- for instance, your spelling competition. This could tie in nicely with your theory that Koreans are hard-working. This would also highlight your academic abilities.

4) Lastly, your first paragraph needs to be more clear. I would suggest lengthening it and adding personal touches. The AO care about you (however cheesy this may sound). They would rather learn about personal aspects, rather than what the world sees Koreans as.

Overall, you have written a good essay. With a few minor adjustments, you will be well on your way to having an extremely strong application.

Good luck.