'Spanish and Japanese language' - Contributing to a Cultural Community

I am currently filling out the University of Washington application, and the short response prompt that I am doing is this one:

The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community?

I would be able to make the community of the University of Washington different by bringing my experience of piano and my knowledge of the languages taught to me at my high school.

With my abilities as a performer in piano, I have played music of many cultures, which helped me understand the variety of them in the world. I have performed French, Asian, African, and Spanish music, and each one provided a lot of details of its origins. The music itself is an influence itself, but professionals try to emphasize the traditional aspect of the piece by using their interpretation of it to refine their style. Although I may not be a professional myself, I encourage myself to follow this so that I understand of its culture better. During my growth as a pianist, I also took into account learning about culture the direct way, to further improve my performance. I decided to take Spanish and Japanese language courses to be able to accomplish such a thing. Despite primarily being a class meant to teach the art of speaking language, the teachers provided ample opportunities that allowed us to look deeper into the respective country's customs. I was able to learn a lot about the traditions and customs of each country's main heritages. These two aspects have helped me become a person with a different back story than most others in the university.

With my abilities as a pianist and my experience with culture, I would be sure that I can help define the community. I believe that learning new things is what creates the diverse society that the University of Washington is striving for.

The recommended limit is 250-500 words. This short essay is 276.

I appreciate anyone who helps me in revising this essay.

i think it's well written but you might want to mention how you are going to share the diversity because you only talk about what youve learned..

I would be able to make the community of the University of Washington different by bringing my experience of piano and my knowledge of the languages taught to me at my high school. <I think you maybe want to reword this sentence


Maybe you should list some specific things you've learned from African/Chinese music. In one sentence, write how they're similar and different.


Once again, just be a little more specific.

Overall I think it's amazing that you're so culturally aware. That's very unique and very admirable. I think all you really need to do is make your essay a little less vague. You have up to 500 words. Don't be scared to use more of them!

Good luck! And don't worry about editing my stuff, haha. They've already been submitted.