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"You are Not Special" ; Cornell Sup /Economics


CTHIMENYOR 1 / 13  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
College of Arts and Sciences: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you.

I have a weakness for smart, funny, and inspirational YouTube videos. My favorite is the "You are Not Special" Commencement speech given by an English teacher named David McCullough. During his speech, Mr. McCullough urged his students that whatever they do in their lives, they do it "because you love it and believe in its importance." Ever since I heard that speech, I brushed aside all thoughts of majoring in biology or engineering, to focus on my most intense intellectual interest: economics.[..]

HarvardAccept - / 57 24  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
First of all, do not use contractions. This is a formal essay. The flow is not that great. The transition in the end of personal goal does not fit with the rest of the essay. This is a three part response of WHAT, WHY, and how does Cornell's schools apply to what you just described. You leave a short paragraph for Cornell while spending too much time explaining extraneous details of economics.

Also, this sounds a little like you are not just interested in economics but also history and anthropology adding these could add some dimension. And I would not mention brushing aside biology or engineering it does not add anything to the essay.

Hope this helps a little.
alicela - / 18 1  
Dec 30, 2012   #3
Grammar and punctuation corrections are in green. Corrections in blue are suggestions and are up to your stylistic preferences.

I have a weakness for smart, funny, and inspirational YouTube videos. My favorite is the "You are Not Special" Commencement speech given by an English teacher named David McCullough. During his speech, Mr. McCullough urged his students that whatever they do in their lives, they do it "because you love it and believe in its importance." Ever since I heard that speech, I brushed aside all thoughts of majoring in biology or engineering, to focus on my most intense intellectual interest: economics.

My interest in economics started when I was a small boy living in a large apartment building in Brooklyn. While I was growing up, the predominately Irish and Italian neighborhood I lived in saw an influx of Arabic, Russian, and Chinese immigrants. I was amazed by the differences in culturedifferent cultures of my new friends and neighbors, but even more amazed by the incredible food inserved at the new falafel restaurant on the corner and sold at the Chinese grocery store across the street.(This sentence is a bit long. Consider breaking it up?) Living in that neighborhood made me feel like I was watching the world move in fast-forward by some sort of magic.

I realize now that the magic transforming my neighborhood was the unseen forces of economics. (Please elaborate. Just an example, even the most basic idea like coincidence of wants, etc will work) My love for economics stems from the fact that these forces have not only transformed my old neighborhood, but have also shaped human history. The world we live in is a result of a long story of economic development. Today globalization has put us in a particularly interesting chapter of the story, where emerging economies can triple their GDP in a decade and everything from the shirt on your back to the food on your plate traveled thousands of miles to get there. Studying economics helps us understand how this new globalized world works.

I believe economics is important because it ultimately boils down to people. After all, economics is the study of the production, distribution and consumption of goods and services that are used by people. We are all economic(Omit, implied) actors in a world where a slight increase in interest rates or the national debt affects the lives of millions. All economic(a new word would be nice. fiscal?) decisions, whether made by governments, businesses, or individuals affect the outside world. I want to study economics because I want(Works without it) to understand how my decisions both as a businessman and as a person impact others.

Studying at Cornell would put me in an intense intellectual environment, inhabited by inquisitive students and renowned professors. While the diverse range of classes that Cornell offers in its College of Arts and Sciences will allow me to become a well-rounded individual who'll be able to handle life's challenges and give back to his community. (This sentence needs to be rewritten. It's too long and is an incomplete thought since you began it with "while.") My personal goal is to gain a PhD in economics and become a professor. I know my goal(this ambition? another word) will be aided by the great faculty and immense research opportunities at Cornell; (Semi colon or period.) I just hope my weakness for YouTube videos won't get in the way.

For me, the strongest parts of your essay are the anecdote from your childhood and introduction. The part about economics tends to be slightly wordy and redundant. I'd add references to solid, real world examples, personal experience or theories to support your intellectual musings.

The rest has been commented on by everyone else, especially HarvardAccept (funny name, btw). Good luck on Cornell!
OP CTHIMENYOR 1 / 13  
Dec 31, 2012   #4
I re-did a lot of the essay to try to make it sound better. I also change my future goals.

Pls see below;
sillybandz 6 / 20  
Dec 31, 2012   #5
Overall the essay is good. I think the ending is weak however. Especially the last paragraph. I think you should try to talk more about your future at Cornell and how you improve from the them.

hope that helps.
mahmoudjendy 7 / 17  
Dec 31, 2012   #6
try to edit the last paragraph...
rickfoop 1 / 2 1  
Dec 31, 2012   #7
I would recommend talking more about Cornell and perhaps actually referencing more specifics about what makes you want to go there. In addition, I agree with the others and think that just randomly throwing in how you are interested in biology and engineering, detracts from your argument.
DrS 1 / 24 5  
Dec 31, 2012   #8
Reading your essay, I do not see your interest in Economics.
OP CTHIMENYOR 1 / 13  
Dec 31, 2012   #9
You're right I probably need to explain why I like economics more. Would you have any suggestions how?
OP CTHIMENYOR 1 / 13  
Jan 1, 2013   #10
"You are Not Special"; Cornell- Interests/major

Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
Kitsumi 4 / 97 16  
Jan 1, 2013   #11
I like your essay! The intro drew me in, and it was a nice segue. In fact, I feel that every paragraph transitions nicely into the next. I just have three things to nit pick, a bit.

Is BusinessWeek supposed to be one word?

Should the relations in "School of Industrial and Labor relations" be capitalized?

I am not particularly good at grammar, but I feel like there's something off in this sentence. Would this work better?

A world in which countries can triple their GDP in a decade, where everything from the shirt on my back to the food on my plate has traveled thousands of miles to get there.
aceq 2 / 12 1  
Jan 2, 2013   #12
Loved your essay! One suggestion- what if you go more in depth and mention a specific thing related to the economics major? It would show the schoolhow much you have researched it.
alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Jan 2, 2013   #13
Hi there,

"One in which countries can triple their GDP in a decade and everything from the shirt on your back to the food on your plate traveled thousands of miles to get there." <-- This doesn't really make sense... I think it's the sentence structure.

"I was amazed by the different cultures of my new friends and neighbors, but even more amazed by the incredible food served at the new Syrian restaurant on the corner, and sold at the Chinese grocery store across the street. The speed at which my neighborhood was changing made me feel like I was watching the world move in fast-forward by some sort of magic." <-- I don't really see how these sentences connect. Maybe insert a connecting sentence or phrase?

Overall I really enjoyed your essay!

Please check out my cornell supplement. Any suggestions and comments are greatly appreciated.
mayfl0wer 6 / 48  
Jan 2, 2013   #14
I am also excited by Cornell's recent move to eliminate barriers between the separate schools at Cornell.

You said Cornell twice.

In fact, you said Cornell many times throughout your essay.

Otherwise, great!

Check my Duke supp out?
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 3, 2013   #15
The speed at which my neighborhood was changing made me feel like I was watching the world move in fast-forward by some sort of magic.

... This is awesome!

This fact inspires me to apply to Cornell, because of its equally unique capacity to bridge the world of thought and ideas with the world of practice and action.

This fact inspires me to apply to Cornell, especially because of its unique capacity to bridge the two worlds; the world of thoughts and ideas and the world of practice and action.

I think you have answered it very smartly. Good luck!


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