Special Education, Campus - Essay Review for UCF Admission Essay

UCF Essay
Why did you choose to apply to the University of Central Florida?

It's the afternoon before the first day of school-my first day of my senior year, my last year of high school, and my last year at home before going off to college. I'm sitting in the living room, drinking a steaming cup of green tea and reflecting on all of the things I've managed to accomplish in my life. Throughout my seventeen, almost eighteen, years of living I've been in six clubs, won 2nd place at regionals for a club competition, assisted the Special Education Department at my high school, and recently launched my online store.

I believe in reinventing yourself to become the person that you were always destined to be. For many people, the process of reinvention begins is either middle school or high school and it's usually one big change to yourself. For me the process was not that simple. Every year for me is like another chance for me to change myself. Over the years my personality, sense of humor, music preference, mindset, and sense of style have all gone under a reconstruction. With every new metamorphosis comes a new Dominique.

I believe that attending UCF will not only allow me continue developing myself, but also provide the base for me to experience many cultures and beliefs different than my own. UCF is the largest school in Florida with an estimate of 61,000 students. The prospect of meeting at least a small portion of those students and learning about their backgrounds makes my heart speed up (in the good way).

The countless number of clubs available at the campus is also a great perk. With the amount of clubs available at the school I will be able to find many different organizations in which I would enjoy participating in.

This essay is currently unfinished and in need of a final revision but I'd love to hear constructive feedback on what I have so far.

One of the important factors to remember when developing an essay in response to this prompt is that you need to find an alignment between your personal reasons for attending the school and the mission / vision / objectives / goals of the school as well. What you need to define in this type common essay is your character in accordance with what the school describes as their idea of a good student. While I see that you have tried to present your best qualities and traits both as a person and as a student in this essay, you should not try to use all of those information within one prompt. Try to choose the single quality or reason within yourself , in direct relation to UCF that compels you apply for admission to UCF and then build the essay around that.

The main idea you have to convey in this essay is how your personality can be enhanced by the UCF experience and how you will also enhance the experience of those around you. The metamorphosis idea is a good one. However, you need to relate that in a way with a specific reason or two for opting to attend UCF. Once you make the connection, writing the rest of the essay should become easier. Since you said that this is only a draft (unfinished), you have a lot of room to revise and edit the essay to better suit the prompt.

Be specific in the your response. While being all descriptive and wordy in your response is good in some cases, it does not really offer much of a benefit to this version of your essay. Go directly to the point of the prompt. Give the response / reason within your first 3 sentences in an interesting manner. Having read this essay, I know that you have the ability to write such an introduction. Remember, you need to reel in the reader from the very start. So placing your direct response first and then getting descriptive towards the latter portion always works to your benefit. Right now, the essay does not really make that direct connection.

My advice is this, try to write another version of this essay. One that concentrates more on the connection between you and UCF, then review the prompt again, make sure that in your point of view, you have accurately answered the prompt. We'd be very happy to help you reach that state of writing :-) Again, this is a good start, it can be the basis of your next essay version. Give it a try :-)

- It's the afternoon before the first day of school-,
- mythe first day of my senior year,
- my last year of high school, and my last year at...
- ..I've been in six academic ( it will help to state that its an academic related) clubs,
- won 2nd placeawards at regionals for a club competition,

- ...of reinvention begins isin either middle school...

- I believe that attending UCF will not only allow me to continue developing myself,

Indeed, this is an unfinished admission essay.
I suggest writing more about your accomplishments, the hardships you have to go through to succeed in life if there's any and of course, how do you plan to promote good welfare in the community and within the institution.