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IELTS (ESSAY) - Education topic (universal and special education)


Hoon 1 / -  
May 12, 2016   #1
Q. Some people think teaching children different abilities together benefits everyone, others think intelligent children should be taught separately and given special treatment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Over the past decades, the way of education has been discussed throughout the world. Regarding this, although many assert that intelligent students should receive special education which is different from ordinary teaching means and contents, while others disagree with this standpoint. This essay will set out both perspectives and elucidate my notion.

Outstanding students should be taken care of by schools and instructors since this specialized treatment could lead them to perform their best. Despite several positive aspects of universal education systems, it is obvious that they can concentrate well and gain knowledge quicker than normal pupils; hence, if those are required to take lessens together, they may feel boring and fewer challenges. Furthermore, offering smarter children with higher level of courses can reduce the cost of private education as they do not need to take advanced courses out of schools. With respect to the reasons, offering special programs with intelligent students could have some benefits.

In contrast, teaching various student academic disciplines in the same classes could be beneficial because they can learn social skills.
Indeed, while taking courses, they can experience many types of children from various background; therefore, they could learn how to communicate and corporate with others and develop team spirit. In addition, children could actively take part in learning processes as they would realize their own strengths and weaknesses, and can teach others what they are specialized in. Considering this, encouraging more students to take part in the same classes or activities concurrently would be valuable for everyone.

In conclusion, even though both have their own grounds, I am personally inclined to think that teaching classes t to children without any segregation would be better considering social abilities and cooperation. However, individual treatment for remarkable students should be considered as well.

aviniwirastri [Contributor] 10 / 35 11  
May 12, 2016   #2
hi hoon,

i can say that you have a good opening.

paragraph 1
Outstanding students should be taken care of by schools and instructors since this specializedspecial treatment could lead them to perform their best.
i don't really agree with your word choice "taken care". it can be replaced by "treated" / "taught" / "handled"

... hence, if those are required to take lessenslesson together, they may feel boringboredand fewer challenges .
phrase in green : need a verb.
example : they will feel bored and have fewer challenges.

With respect to the reasons, offering special programs withto intelligent students (...) dictionary said that offer to

paragraph 2
In contrast, teaching various student academic ...
teaching various students with different academic disciplines....

... teaching classes t to children without any segregation would be better by considering social abilities and cooperation.

my opinion :
your third paragraph is not really relevant, the question is asking about
"Some people think teaching children different abilities together benefits everyone, others think ..."
look at the phrase in bold.
so you do not really need to discuss about students with different academic disciplines. an idea about what will happen if the class is mixed between intelligent students and ordinary students (does this benefit (or not)? ) is recommended.

best regards.
justivy03 - / 2,377 607  
May 20, 2016   #3
Hi Hoon, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you keep on writing and posting your projects and we promise to provide you with the most relevant feedback that will hopefully be valuable towards the revision of your writing projects.

Below are my suggestions in order to revise your essay and strengthen your ideas.

- the way of education has been discussed
- Regarding thisWith regards to this ,
- while others disagree with this standpoint.

- taken cared of by schools and
- instructors, ( don't forget your punctuation marks )
- sinceas this specialized treatmentfocus could
- lead them to perform at their best.
- if those arethis is required to take
- lesso ns together,
- they may feel boring and fewer challengesbored and will not feel the challenge .
- programs withto intelligent students
- could have some benefitsin this specialization .

There you have it Hoon, I can see that you are having difficulties in coming up with a well constructed and grammatically correct sentences, however, with practice, you should be able to improve in this aspect of writing.

As you can see, I also took the liberty to correct the first two paragraphs of your essay, this is to show you what else can be improved in your essay and I hope you follow through with the rest of the essay. Keep writing.


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