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Specific BFA program - university entrance essay


chiazhicao 2 / -  
Feb 17, 2008   #1
A short written composition in English of no more than 400 words explaining why you are uniquely qualified to enter a specific BFA program. Hello editor, i need some help to improve on this essay and please advice on whether i am out of point. Thank you!

I love watching films and I am sure you love it too. Films play a significant role in our lives; they inspire, educate, and when people are sick of the reality of life, they see it as a form of escapism, as an avenue into another world. Film also plays a very good cupid in giving me a reason to ask Dawn out on a movie date who has since become my girlfriend.

I developed a keen interest in filmmaking and photography after my foundation year at Ngee Ann Polytechnic - Film sound & Video. As a person who feels strongly for his ideas and also having the passion to make his idea a reality; I have worked hard and prepared well for every pitching session in class. Most of my ideas have become a reality and I have the honour to direct them with a team that shares the same vision.

For my script writing class, I have learnt that it is through your personal experience that you can write an honest and exceptional story, one that communicates with people and leaves the viewer a changed person. I got an A grade for my script 'Solace' and went on to make the story a reality in my Final Year Project.

Commitment, teamwork and believing in what you do are the key ingredients to success as I have shown by winning the Best Video Award for a short film - 'Solace'. My group has the best story and the lowest budget and this proves that having a good story that is captivating is more important than anything else. 'Solace' went on to be screened at the 47th BRNO Sixteen Czech Republic and it was also in competition at the FIKE 2006 Festival √Čvora International Short Film Festival.

I had also won First Prize in Photography at the 2003 "The Creative Writing Competition" from Singapore Polytechnic with my black and white stills from my photography class. I went on to work in the industry as an assistant producer. The experiences in dealing with clients and working with the professionals have further prepared me for greater challenges.

It is a long way to become a successful filmmaker who entertains, inspires and changes people's lives but I believe with my attributes; I will succeed.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Feb 17, 2008   #2
Greetings!

You have some great experience under your belt! Here are some editing tips for you:

I love watching films and I am sure you love it too. - I'd delete this sentence; avoid using second person in this type of essay ("you").

Films play a significant role in our lives: they inspire, educate, and when people are sick of the reality of life, they provide a form of escapism, as an avenue into another world. - "they" has to refer to films, not to people: they inspire, educate and provide escapism.

Film also plays a very good cupid in giving me a reason to ask Dawn out on a movie date who has since become my girlfriend. - Besides being grammatically awkward, this does not really help the school understand why you should be admitted to their program.

My group had the best story and the lowest budget

I would also suggest that you avoid using semicolons. Except for the one above, which I turned into a colon, your others should have been commas.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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