I spent my middle school summers selling our old clothes - Claremont Mckenna Supplement

Prompt: What influenced you the most in your decision to apply to CMC? Please limit your response to no more than 200 words.

After my friend and I spent our middle school summers selling our old clothes, I knew that I wanted to pursue a future in business. The renowned business program at Claremont Mckenna is what first attracted me. But as I dug deeper, I found that there is so much more to love. I crave the intimacy offered by a liberal arts college but am also excited by the ability to make the campus as large or as small as you want thanks to the consortium of schools. I yearn to take advantage of the Athenaeum with its unparalleled lineup of speakers, fostering a comfortable, friendly environment between both students and faculty. At Claremont Mckenna, success is a common goal that students strive towards together rather than a rare gem that must be fought for. The student body is composed of passionate, determined people, capable of balancing rigorous academics and adventurous social lives, and is definitely one that I would like to be a part of. The location is the icing on the cake - where else are both sunny beaches and snowy mountains only a couple hours away? I believe that Claremont Mckenna will not only help me reach my full potential, but will also give me the most enjoyable, memorable, and productive college experience possible.

Comments? Critique? It's 15 words over the word limit.. :(
Thanks in advance!

The start is not gripping. If you're applying to Claremont McKenna the essay needs to be really good, you should take different writing skills into consideration.


Be more specific about this program you are interested in. Mention why the course there is different from other institutions'.