'I spent one month living in the street' - admission ucf

is it a lot or just enough?
what can i do to make it better?
please give me any suggestion that can make it better.

prompt: if there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.

I remember this day, Tuesday January 12, 2010, like it was yesterday. He started like one ordinary day, the smile was on my face as always while going to school, and everything was perfect until the moment the ground started to tremble like a table with missing leg. The screaming of the neighbor intensified, in a few second families and friends had died. After this day my life had never been the same. I spent one month living in the street, which became the place where I ate, I played and cried for those who were deceased. At a given time I even thought it was the end of the world. Consequently my mother sent me to my aunt in the United States to continue with school. Was this a good solution? Yes, I am positive. I admit that I confronted many obstacles, my first months were not stress-free, I had to get used to live away from my parent, I had to familiarize myself with the language, I had to make new friends and adapt with the school. However, the benefit worth the cost; coming here helped me grow, I realized that things that I taught was important for me like: a large house, money, jewels and clothes were only vanity; the most important thing in my life became my relation with my family. I also started to talk to other people that explain to me that education is the key for success in the life, for this reason I worked three times harder in school. There is a purpose for everything that happen in life, I had never believed that struggle makes someone stronger until this earthquake, it was a difficult and dramatic moment, however it taught me how to be a strong and courageous man.

like a table with amissing leg. Change the first sentence. Dont say "like it was yesterday" It is too cliche, too hackneyed, try a different, less overused expression because it will make u sound more original and creative to an admissions officer, example, When I wake up every Tuesday morning, I remember January 12,2010. or January 12,2010 is a day forever seared in my mind. or even more creative

Every hour, my mind never fails to remind me of January 12,2010 or anything more original u can think of that can capture how significant the day was. I remember it like yesterday, just doesnt work for me.Your punctuation need to improve

I admit that I confronted many obstacles, my first months were not stress-free, I had to get used to live away from my parent, I had to familiarize myself with the language, I had to make new friends and adapt with the school

The puntuaction here is not good. you can put commas and then start new sentences with new subjects and predicates.
Revision: I admit that i confronted many obstacles. My first months were arduous and stressful: i had to adapt to living away from my parents, to familiarize myself with the language and to make new friends.

However, the benefits were worth the cost. Please revise the punctuation of the whole essay, it is simply not adequate, too many run-ons

Your essay, is nonetheless, interesting and your values and experience should definitely appeal to any admissions officer. Just be more creative and grammatically adept when writing it.

thank u very much. u helped me a lot

Hi

you can add here ,how time flies! like it was yesterday....

He started like one ordinary :It started like an ordinary day...

Consequently my mother sent me to my aunt in the United States to continue with school(to continue my studies at school)

I am positive(optimistic)

coming here helped me grow(to grow)

I realized that things that I taught was(were) important for me

large house, money, jewels(jewellery)

There is a purpose for everything that happen(happens)...

Good luck:D

I always remember this day, Tuesday January 12, 2010, as if it was yesterday. It was started like an ordinary day . the smile was on my face as usual , while going to school and everything was perfect until the moment the ground started to tremble like a table with missing leg. The screaming of the neighbors intensified and in a few second families and friends were died. After this day my life had never been the same. I spent one month living in the street, which became the place where I ate, played and cried for those who were deceased. At a given time I even thought it was the end of the world. Consequently my mother sent me to my aunt in the United States to continue my studies at school. Was this a good solution? Yes, I am optimist,however I admit that I have confronted with many obstacles. my first months were not free from any stress , I had to get used to live away from my parent and familiarize myself with the new language and on the other hand , I had to make new friends and adapt with the school. However, the benefit worth the cost; coming here helped me to grow, I realized that the things whichwere important for me ; a large house, money, jewels and clothes, were only vanity; and now the most important thing in my life is my relation with my family. I have also started to talk to people who explain to me that education is the key for success in the life. for this reason , I worked three times as much harder in school. There is a purpose for everything that happen in life, I had never believed that struggle makes someone stronger until this earthquake, it was a difficult and dramatic moment, however it taught me how to be a strong and courageous man.