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"How have you spent your summers?" - Princeton Supplement



littlechef 10 / 33  
Dec 23, 2010   #1
Leaving the school campus often came with the excitement of plans: plans for traveling somewhere afar, plans for embarking on a daring new adventure, plans to garner my independence in the free time for self-discovery. In truth, my summers began with rather...ordinary beginnings. My last two years were, by no means, adventurous or mind-blowing. But within this mundane familiarity of California, I came to enjoy a variety of simplicities in which serendipitous treasures brought themselves to light.

July 2008 was a ripe time for me, a member of the novel Saerom Korean Presbyterian Church, to start afresh. Gathered at a table in Folsom Lake, the newly formed Youth Group and I clustered together, united by our Christian faith, but overcome by hesitation. Though we were all in the same place, we were distant strangers at heart. An uncanny silence settled in. As the newfound music coordinator, I was younger, quieter, and an unfamiliar face to many. Having long retreated in the sidelines with my shyness, I was suddenly hit by the desire to change. I would break the silence. To my surprise, my otherwise discordant voice was enough to strike a starting note within the group. Within time, everyone spoke; our voices gathered into a harmonious tune, galvanized by our shared passions. At that moment, I learned that something as simple as the courage to stand could be enough to unite the unlikeliest strangers with remarkable ease. For the additional months to come, I came to relish the rewards that fellowship - and venturing outside of the "comfort zone" - could introduce.

The next year, I had the honor to participate in the Biomedical Sciences cluster of the COSMOS summer program hosted at UC Davis. It was in this incomparable experience that I discovered my true passion to share, interact, and most importantly to learn with those who shared my similar aspirations for medicine. Considering that I had never left the familiar vicinities of home for a long period of time, my independence was put to the test. To my surprise, I enthusiastically embraced this freedom, and it was here where newer passions were born. Within four weeks, I discovered my fascination in a cow necropsy, the stark eccentricities of prions, and the timeless potential to lasting friendships with peers, whether they lived five miles or three cities away. The brevity of this program instills an emergent desire to explore by initiative and self-governance. My insatiable curiosity longs to take me outside of the Californian suburbs into the world where the possibilities to learn are altogether limitless.

(2610 characters)

aditiji 1 / 9  
Dec 23, 2010   #2
"In truth, my summers began with rather...ordinary beginnings" <-- That sounds redundant. I would change it to something like "my summers began rather... ordinarily."

"Within time, everyone spoke" <--- I think the convention is "In time", not "within". But I don't know, that just might be me.

Other than that, this is a great essay. I like it, and it tells me a lot about you. Well done.

On a side not... I went to COSMOS too! Lol :)
ailibai 8 / 20  
Dec 23, 2010   #3
"Having long retreated in the sidelines with my shyness , I was suddenly hit by the desire to change."

I think that part is a little awkward. I'd maybe say, "My shyness had always pushed me towards the sidelines, but I was suddenly hit with the desire to change."

Something like that? Just a bit of rearranging.

Otherwise, this is really good!
OP littlechef 10 / 33  
Dec 23, 2010   #4
Thank you for the suggestions :)
peirui422 3 / 4  
Dec 26, 2010   #5
It is really good!!!! And I love your honesty.
"Gathered at a table in Folsom Lake, the newly formed Youth Group and I clustered together, united by our Christian faith, but overcome by hesitation." Sounds long and awkward, though.
chocana 6 / 18  
Dec 26, 2010   #6
Watch this sentence. It's a little awkward. Try making it shorter :) "July 2008 was a ripe time for me, a member of the novel Saerom Korean Presbyterian Church, to start afresh. Gathered at a table in Folsom Lake, the newly formed Youth Group and I clustered together, united by our Christian faith, but overcome by hesitation."

Nice essay! It really shows your character!


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