Any comments on the quality/ thoroughness of my response, better ways to word some phrases, and grammar would be very appreciated! Thanks!
PROMPT: Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held. (About 150 words)
My last two summers were full of meaningful activities. During the summer of 2012, I participated in multiple church and service retreats, widening my horizons and interacting with other teenagers for a few days in the countryside. My family trip was also memorable, as I visited some of Korea's landmarks for the first time. Journeying through the beauties of Pyeongchang, I couldn't help but feel joyful to see my mom smiling after a long period of hospitalization. The next summer, we continued our trip as we visited Busan and the south, although I was busier with test preps, research at Seoul National University, and an internship at the National Assembly. In addition, I had a chance to represent Germany in the Leadership Conference, whereby I improved my public speaking and debate skills. Despite hectic schedule, I managed to squeeze some time to catch up with some old friends.
Words: 148
While you have a great essay, I really don't think you should start with this sentence, it seems cliche in my opinion. Also, your last sentence seems like an idea you started but didn't have a chance to finish. I'd remove it all together.
Good luck :)
Please take a look at mine.
