Hi. This is my second supplement essay to the University of Pennsylvania. Please critique this essay. Also, if you have time, PLEASE read over my first UPenn essay or the Brown supplement below this essay. I am submitting them all by tomorrow. Thanks!
Ben Franklin once said, "All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." Which are you? (Please answer in 300-500 words.)
Beads of sweat streamed down my face as I forced the last word of my ninth grade English presentation to a class of twenty students. As I spoke, I felt my heart tightening up like a fist, and my hands shivering from cold blood. The fear of stuttering forced me to hesitate on my thoughts, and I grew frustrated by the injustice of not being able to talk as perfectly as the peers who presented before me. Stuttering wasn't new to me at the time. I had it with me throughout my childhood. As I approached high school, my parents took me to different speech therapists hoping that treatment would alleviate my deficiency, but nothing worked. Soon, I became unwilling to partake in any conversation or speech that required constant speaking-I was immovable to the notion until the day when I decided to watch the premiere of The King's Speech. Throughout the film, I was speechless. Tears streamed down my cheek as I watched the stuttering King of Great Britain meticulously addressing to thousands of Britons who need his guidance in the midst of war. I found it unbelievable how such a man, who dealt with a lifelong impairment, would ever find the courage to lead his people. After pondering, I realized that he moved by his faith, proving to himself that he can achieve a seemingly impossible feat. That, I believe, is the beauty of humanity: taking advantage of one's deficiency to serve a greater purpose in society and discover a new potential in oneself. With the inspiration from the King, I dedicated myself to move on with my speech therapy. With the help of my mother, I articulated every syllable of words and adjusted my tongue to each sound by listening to the audio on the computer. This process was repeated every day-even past bedtime-until my tongue stiffened from muscle sores. As months passed, I grew satisfied by the result of my personal speech therapy. The doubt that had harbored in my mind no longer exists, and confidence kicked in. With a smile on my face, I no longer stammered on my English presentations. Now, I chuckle at how naĂŻve I was back when I did not know how to embrace my impairment as a blessing. Even though I thought that my disability would discourage me from talking often, I was wrong. I realized that in order to truly be myself I must overcome my deficiency and to realize my inner potential. Just as King George VI demonstrated his courage and progress to me, I wish to support and inspire others whose speech is nothing but broken chords. Like the King, I am a mover who is driven by the voice of his heart.
Ben Franklin once said, "All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." Which are you? (Please answer in 300-500 words.)
Beads of sweat streamed down my face as I forced the last word of my ninth grade English presentation to a class of twenty students. As I spoke, I felt my heart tightening up like a fist, and my hands shivering from cold blood. The fear of stuttering forced me to hesitate on my thoughts, and I grew frustrated by the injustice of not being able to talk as perfectly as the peers who presented before me. Stuttering wasn't new to me at the time. I had it with me throughout my childhood. As I approached high school, my parents took me to different speech therapists hoping that treatment would alleviate my deficiency, but nothing worked. Soon, I became unwilling to partake in any conversation or speech that required constant speaking-I was immovable to the notion until the day when I decided to watch the premiere of The King's Speech. Throughout the film, I was speechless. Tears streamed down my cheek as I watched the stuttering King of Great Britain meticulously addressing to thousands of Britons who need his guidance in the midst of war. I found it unbelievable how such a man, who dealt with a lifelong impairment, would ever find the courage to lead his people. After pondering, I realized that he moved by his faith, proving to himself that he can achieve a seemingly impossible feat. That, I believe, is the beauty of humanity: taking advantage of one's deficiency to serve a greater purpose in society and discover a new potential in oneself. With the inspiration from the King, I dedicated myself to move on with my speech therapy. With the help of my mother, I articulated every syllable of words and adjusted my tongue to each sound by listening to the audio on the computer. This process was repeated every day-even past bedtime-until my tongue stiffened from muscle sores. As months passed, I grew satisfied by the result of my personal speech therapy. The doubt that had harbored in my mind no longer exists, and confidence kicked in. With a smile on my face, I no longer stammered on my English presentations. Now, I chuckle at how naĂŻve I was back when I did not know how to embrace my impairment as a blessing. Even though I thought that my disability would discourage me from talking often, I was wrong. I realized that in order to truly be myself I must overcome my deficiency and to realize my inner potential. Just as King George VI demonstrated his courage and progress to me, I wish to support and inspire others whose speech is nothing but broken chords. Like the King, I am a mover who is driven by the voice of his heart.