I need some help editing my essay, I am not a very strong essay writer. The essay must be under 500 words, it is currently 499 words. The prompt is:
(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
From a young age, the desire to give my country service is that of great immensity within myself. I learned from my Father that our Country comes first and foremost, although this mindset has not been altered since the day my Father retired from service. Seeing the violence, the terrorism, the horrendous acts committed upon humanity and this Country only have fortified my unyielding desire to serve. This Country was formed by great men who risked everything to create a utopia where freedom can not only exist, but flourish and remain unharmed by those who are spiteful towards it. I wish to serve in the United States Navy to safeguard the grail of freedom that many great men and women have sacrificed that of the highest extent of physical and mental belongings to create and uphold. For I hold strong regards for the future of America, its people, and their dreams. A career in Naval Service will be a great step for myself in knowing that my children will be able to walk outside and know that they have the ability to make any choice they desire that day, a life without threat, foreign and domestic, against their freedoms.
Although service is at the forefront of my mind, the need of becoming successful throughout other areas of my life did not diminish. The United States Naval Academy is an ideal institution in that it provides tools to give those who wish to give service to their country knowledge and a degree. To obtain a degree in Engineering is an unwavering goal for myself, the Naval Academy can become a catalyst to reach that goal while fulfilling my dedication to serve. An education at the USNA is more than an education, it is an education that will prepare me to join an elite force of Officers by offering skills that are second to none, it is an education that will forge bonds and unity that are unbreakable even from the hands of time. After experiencing Summer Seminar, I first hand saw what hard work and persistence poured into an education at the USNA can do for myself and this Country, and I would like to pour every part of me into the rigorous pathway through the Academy.
The first year of high school, freshman year, I was stabbed in the arm by an aggravated fellow student using a fishing knife. Rather than physically retaliating, I reported the incident to a school official. The student was immediately arrested. I had wanted him to be punished by law. After much thought and discussion with others, I came to the realization that spite and dislike was not the answer. A true moment of what has shaped my character. The charges were dropped, and with agreement, he was allowed to return to school. I did not wish for his life to be completely blemished by a single mistake that I believe he would not make again. I had learned to "turn the other cheek."
(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
From a young age, the desire to give my country service is that of great immensity within myself. I learned from my Father that our Country comes first and foremost, although this mindset has not been altered since the day my Father retired from service. Seeing the violence, the terrorism, the horrendous acts committed upon humanity and this Country only have fortified my unyielding desire to serve. This Country was formed by great men who risked everything to create a utopia where freedom can not only exist, but flourish and remain unharmed by those who are spiteful towards it. I wish to serve in the United States Navy to safeguard the grail of freedom that many great men and women have sacrificed that of the highest extent of physical and mental belongings to create and uphold. For I hold strong regards for the future of America, its people, and their dreams. A career in Naval Service will be a great step for myself in knowing that my children will be able to walk outside and know that they have the ability to make any choice they desire that day, a life without threat, foreign and domestic, against their freedoms.
Although service is at the forefront of my mind, the need of becoming successful throughout other areas of my life did not diminish. The United States Naval Academy is an ideal institution in that it provides tools to give those who wish to give service to their country knowledge and a degree. To obtain a degree in Engineering is an unwavering goal for myself, the Naval Academy can become a catalyst to reach that goal while fulfilling my dedication to serve. An education at the USNA is more than an education, it is an education that will prepare me to join an elite force of Officers by offering skills that are second to none, it is an education that will forge bonds and unity that are unbreakable even from the hands of time. After experiencing Summer Seminar, I first hand saw what hard work and persistence poured into an education at the USNA can do for myself and this Country, and I would like to pour every part of me into the rigorous pathway through the Academy.
The first year of high school, freshman year, I was stabbed in the arm by an aggravated fellow student using a fishing knife. Rather than physically retaliating, I reported the incident to a school official. The student was immediately arrested. I had wanted him to be punished by law. After much thought and discussion with others, I came to the realization that spite and dislike was not the answer. A true moment of what has shaped my character. The charges were dropped, and with agreement, he was allowed to return to school. I did not wish for his life to be completely blemished by a single mistake that I believe he would not make again. I had learned to "turn the other cheek."