Stanford: engaging intellectual experience. Revision needed

Thank you to anyone for reading this. Last minute, I know. Any encouraging words or even harsh criticisms will be much appreciated.

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Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.(1800 characters)

(1705/1800)
As a Irish-Filipino-American, commonly mistaken as a Mexican, nothing interests me more than America's progress to a world in which race and ethnicity will not matter.

In my social studies classes, I have been most intrigued by the lessons on racial issues due to racial profiling and scientific studies discussing inferior races. These topics have opened my eyes to the great impact ideological hegemony has had on Amercia.

During my junior year, when I studied the end of WWI, my teacher introduced eugenics. At first, I thought it was just some crazy science that Hitler began to practice in his later career to create an Aryan race in Europe. However, in class I discovered how so many Americans strongly believed in Charles Davenport's work. Beginning his work as a biologist, Davenport diverted his studies to genetics as the main influence behind the sterilization of thousands in America and as a strong influence for an ideological foundation for the Holocaust. As a country created by immigrants, the rise of eugenics erupted an entire belief system in which For years, eugenicists "sterilized" Americans they believed to be "unfit". In 1927, the Supreme Court even allowed Virginia to sterilize those they believed as unfit in the case Buck v. Bell.

Reflecting back between the present and our country's past, I realize how little we've really come from racial prejudices beginning in our country's birth. From unjustified slavery to a well-supported science based on little scientific face to Affirmative Action to constantly checking boxes identifying myself to a ethnicity and all those in between, society has done little to solve the problem, but provide different ways to address the issue.

I have been fortunate enough to have a social studies teacher that strays from the required texts as his only teaching supplement. As my teacher of U.S. History and American Democracy,I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. If you want to say that because he was your teacher you learned ______, then you can just say, "From him,..." You don't need the bolded part--plus it doesn't make that much sense.I've learned the roles of Congress, the development of our nation's Constitution, the New Deal and our role in various wars and imperialistic pursuits around the world.What does this have to do with your essay. While i understand that you are saying that becuase he was your social studies teacher, it's implied that you've learned that, and since it neither is needed nor has bearing on what you said earlier (that he taught you not just out of the book) I would take it out. But more importantly, his classes have opened my eyes to the wonders of Marxist theory, dialectical analysis and ideological hegemony.How are these issues that "stray from the required text?" there isn't anything particularly unique about them. If you want to talk about them in that way, you could say how he "didn't glaze over disputable issues, but rather brought the darkest issues to the front of the class for discussion" And that also would lead perfectly into your next sentence. During my junior year as we studied the end of WWI, my teacher introduced eugenics.

At first, I thought it was just some crazy science that Hitler was attractedBad word choice, maybe something like "using" "subscribed" to in his later career to create an Aryan race in Europe. However, in class I discovered how so many Americans strongly believed in Charles B. Davenport's workGive a short description of what his work was. The next sentences, (if they were supposed to) don't make this clear . For years, eugenicists "sterilized" Americans they believed to be "unfit". In 1927, the Supreme Court even allowed Virginia to sterilize those they believed as unfit in the case Buck v. Bell.

What I learned in class onlyThis encouraged me more to question the true character of American society. To live in a country where the government once supported the demoralizationIs this a word? What do you mean by it? It doesn't make sense in the context of so many Americans based on ethnicalethnic background and a study of genetics based a very little actual scientific fact, is nothing less than intellectually engaging. Even today, our American society struggles to completely surpass racial issues that began at our country's birth.

Ok, so if you want to talk about racial issues and racial profiling and scientific studies based on the idea that other races were inferior--you need to bring up this issue earlier. The last paragraph doesn't make sense.

Also, you can't just say that it's intellectually engaging, you need to show how it it. So basically you need to put in your own commentary on what you thought when you learned about this stuff--and through that commentary, show that you are grappling with the tension between the two sides.

Hope that helped. If you can, please check out my essay and give me some comments:

I made a lot of corrections and replaced a lot of the content you thought was unclear. hopefully it is better. not sure if it's a proper ending though.

...the great impact ideological hegemony has had on America . ----make sure you correct the misspelling of America, i see it is just a typo. Right after this sentence, it'll be good to add one more sentence about what you, specifically would like to do to mitigate such hegemony... and what "ideals" you are referring to. Ideological hegemony does not necessarily involve race, so add a clarifying sentence that tells what you would like to do about it.

:-)