'State Track Meet in Triple Jump' - Common App Extracurricular

Feedback?

Lights illuminated the field under the night sky. A crowd had gathered. I ignored the searing pain in my shins and lower back. This was it: my last chance to qualify for the State Track Meet in Triple Jump. Five years had passed from when I first stepped onto the runway; since then, I'd grown to love the sport in leaps and bounds-literally. Track is a never ending challenge of what can be achieved. Each time I find myself on the 45-meter stretch of tartan track, it becomes a test of my body to see how fast and far I can run and jump. The idea that the limit of my abilities directly correlates to the effort put forth comforts me in other aspects of my life that I cannot control. Track dared me to explore new depths of myself both mentally and physically, and taught me the importance of team camaraderie, from rising up after struggles to celebrating our success together. Although I came up short last year, look out for me in May. I continue to strive forward.

Five years had passed from when I first stepped onto the runway; since then, I'd grown to love the sport in leaps and bounds-literally.

Say: "My love for the sport had grown in leaps and bounds-literally"

Track is a never ending challenge of what can be achieved.
Maybe say it like this: "Running track is an example of a never ending challenge, there is always more that a runner can achieve."

The idea that the limit of my abilities directly correlates to the effort put forth comforts me in other aspects of my life that I cannot control.

This sentence is confusing, the way it is written, I know what you mean though.

Track dared me to explore new depths of myself both mentally and physically, and taught me the importance of team camaraderie, from rising up after struggles to celebrating our success together.

Can you expand on these thoughts? Instead of combining them all in one sentence, maybe describe how you learned these qualities one by one.

Although I came up short last year, look out for me in May. I continue to strive forward.
Can you provide more details? Say how you are continuing to improve your skills as a runner, and that you expect the best for yourself.