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Personal Statement: Can a cat teach a seagull how to fly?



jarkish 1 / -  
Jul 16, 2024   #1
As a child, when I got the chance to read "The Story of a seagull and the cat who taught her to fly", I once scoffed at the idea that a cat could teach a bird how to fly, thinking of it as mere fantasy. Little did I know, my journey would come to mirror this story in the most enchanting way.

Growing up in a lower-middle-class family in Vietnam, I was profoundly inspired by my father's unwavering commitment to my "brighter" future. He sacrificed every personal comfort and pleasures, forgoing new cars, sparkling attires and social outings with friends to invest every ounce of his resources into my future.

My father did not know how to swim, and we could not afford expensive swimming lessons. Therefore, he researched swimming techniques online from the world's top swimmers and taught me himself. That man had never once entered the water to swim, yet he managed to teach me to swim so beautifully that everyone at the pool was amazed.

This is just one example of how my father, "a cat" could teach me, " a seagull" how to fly and to dream big about a brighter future, about the sky that the seagull truly deserves despite its quite disadvantaged starting point. My father has been my greatest inspiration, my guiding light, and from him, I have learnt the power of determination, self-reliance and the art of self-teaching. Witnessing his resilience and unwavering dedication has driven me to strive for excellence and seize all available opportunities leading toward my very own dreams.

My father's sacrifices, while significant, served only as a catalyst for my ambitions rather than the sole driving force. It is, I believe, my own dreams and goals that truly propel me forward. With a strong foundation and a clear vision for my future, I am eager to make the most out of the opportunity to study at Trent University. I am driven by a passion for learning, a commitment to personal growth, and the will to contribute in the most meaningful way to an academic community. This scholarship represents not just financial support, but a chance to further my ambitions and make a lasting impact.

At Trent University, with new challenges, exposure to the real world, and complete use of my potential, I aim to grow myself. About my academic interests, I am very passionate about business management and entrepreneurial innovation. I love to understand in depth the running of a business, organisational behaviour, and the market dynamics since I believe that these are crucial for driving successful ventures and making impactful business decisions. In my career, I see myself as a business leader and, in the best-case scenario, working as an entrepreneur with a start-up or alongside continued involvement with cutting-edge companies that together bring change and development. I am committed to using my skills in business strategy, financial analysis, and leadership in generating value and creating positive change within organisations.

Trent University's esteemed Business Administration program offers a comprehensive curriculum and experiential learning opportunities that align perfectly with my career objectives. The program's emphasis on practical experience will provide me with the hands-on knowledge necessary to navigate in the business world. This is in addition to the vibrant Trent academic environment that I am eager to engage with very soon, and I am certain that participation in your specialised workshops, mentorship, and networking opportunities will make me fully prepared toward my career goals. Trent University's commitment to fostering innovative thinking and leadership aligns perfectly with my aspirations, making it the ideal environment for my academic and professional development.

The journey from my childhood to where I stand today has been deeply shaped by my father's sacrifices and my own unwavering determination. Just as the cat taught the seagull to fly, my father's relentless efforts and innovative spirit have taught me to dream big and pursue my goals with tenacity. At Trent University, I am eager to immerse myself in an academic environment that will further hone my skills and allow me to make meaningful contributions. The opportunity to study Business Administration at Trent represents not just a step towards my career aspirations, but a chance to honour my father's legacy by achieving my own dreams and making a positive impact on the world.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15388  
Jul 17, 2024   #2
I am not sure if you were given a series of writing prompts for this personal statement or not. The reason I am uncertain of how to advise you regarding improving this paper is because you have included a statement of purpose into the personal statement, which should not be the case. The SOP and the PS are 2 different essays and are not normally integrated unless there are writing prompts to guide the student into writing one. The essay itself is interesting. The story of your father and his personification of the cat is an interesting one. It was reduced by the sudden introduction of Trent university in the discussion. Which is why I am concerned that you are not following the correct personal statement writing format. A personal statement is most effective when discussing your personal side -- the story of your father, your other interests other than academics, anything that would give the reviewer more of an insight into your personality and mindset outside of the academic world.
Ezinne 2 / 4  
Jul 17, 2024   #3
@jarkish
U made use of the word passionate when you shouldn't. instead of saying that you're passionate explain how that passion has driven you to do and involve in different activities
You didn't highlight your academic achievement


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