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Personal Statement: Why I didn't choose to drop out.



CocoXu 1 / 1  
Dec 17, 2015   #1

I refuse to drop out of school



I was shocked to find that my friend Simiao wanted to drop out of school. 'I'm not going to get into a university. What's the point of staying in high school?' she shrugged. 'I will probably find a job and make a living anyway.'

Before I transferred in grade three, Simiao and I went to the same zidi primary school, a school for kids of company employees, mostly manual laborers. I didn't realize the education quality of the zidi schools was poor until I transferred to a school in the city.

There, I instantly knew I was behind. My new classmates took math olympiad classes, which I'd never heard of, and eighty percent of my new school's graduates went to top-tier junior highs. I was desperate to catch up. So I listened carefully to the teachers, did everything they suggested, and worked meticulously. I especially concentrated on Chinese and math, the subjects which played a big role in my upcoming junior high school entrance exams.

My efforts paid off. I got into a good junior high, and then a good high school. Lesson learned: a good education means the continuation of good education. What I have to do is concentrate on schoolwork, ignore the rest, and get good grades. Or so I thought.

'I want to drop out. I will probably find a job anyway.' Simiao's words kept echoing in my head, and had me thinking about the part of my future my teachers didn't talk about: what's beyond college? That part of my future seemed pretty much the same as Simiao's: find a job. Simiao and I had quite different educational experiences, but our educations were leading to the same boring end.

Is that all? Is the ultimate goal of the education I value so much only to get a high-salary job? I began to feel that I wanted more-not only knowledge, but . what?

While I was wondering this, I saw a flier for the United States Academic Decathlon. I was instantly attracted to USAD-teamwork on ten subjects and competition with students in China and the US sounded exciting. But as I walked towards the sign-up office, I started to worry. What if it interfered with my ordinary school work? I hesitated.

I was still hesitating about USAD when I saw my mother's friend, Mr Zhou, at a party with my parents. Seeing my distressed look, Mr Zhou asked me what was going on. Then he smiled and asked me: 'What do you think I majored in at college?'

'History.' I knew Mr Zhou was a history professor at Sichuan University.
'No, I majored in chemistry. I only realized my true love was history when I took an optional history course. I studied history in graduate school.'

'Then wasn't it a mistake to study chemistry?'
'I wouldn't have realized my true passion if I hadn't make this mistake. Life is full of accidents and mistakes. You can't always find your passion in a straightforward way. Whatever you do, take chances and try new things to discover yours.'

I joined USAD.
Preparation for USAD led me somewhere I couldn't have guessed: I fell in love with art history. At first, I was puzzled by even the most basic concepts, but the beauty of the artworks moved me. As I read about different movements and genres, I was amazed at how the Impressionists and others pushed the boundaries of art, even though they had to bear storms of criticism. Their passion kept pushing them forward.

Yeats says that true education is not filling a pail but lighting a fire. The end of my education is neither mere knowledge nor a mere job. It can also be the constant pursuit of passion. I've already been fortunate to have educational opportunities that some childhood friends have not. Now I want to use these opportunities to keep my fire burning.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Dec 17, 2015   #2
Xu, You have written a highly comprehensive educational history that immerses the reviewer in your tumultuous world of education. It is clear that you learned to value education for a personal reason and you are pursuing it because of simple love for learning. However, I am beginning to wonder if this extremely long and informative personal statement will actually serve a purpose. It just seems like it took you so long to get to the point, then you did not really, completely explain your point. I am not sure if this works as a personal statement. Do you have any guide or prompt questions from the university that we can refer to as we review your work? That way we can guide you properly.

Personally, I think that the essay works as a statement for the way you learned to value education and how education can change a life. However, I get a bit confused while reading it because at the end, you mention the USAD and that it helped your learn that you love art history. So what do you really want to discuss? The importance of education or how you developed a liking for art history? There are actually 2 sets of themes existing here and you have to pick one to use as the central discussion for your essay. It will help if you know what kind of personal statement you have to develop and whether that personal statement will allow you to have an open topic as an essay presentation.
OP CocoXu 1 / 1  
Dec 17, 2015   #3
Thank you for your comments, vangiespen.
The prompt is the ones on common application :1.Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. or 5.Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family. I don't know which prompt does it fit better.

The essay is about 640 words and yes I also feel I haven't explained the point quite clearly. I added USAD into this essay to show I took action to explore and learn and found out about my interest. Should I delete it if it's distracting or vague?

By the way, is the main idea of this essay a bit boring/cliched that it doesn't attract the reader?
Thanks again.
vangiespen - / 4077  
Dec 17, 2015   #4
Xu, your essay doesn't really help your application because it is confusing, boring, and at this point, directionless. The best thing for you to do is choose a story that will resonate with the reviewer. Make you some sort of memorable person in print whom he will want to meet for a face to face interview in the future. It is quite possible to do that if you will follow my instructions.

For this essay, I would like you to write about prompt 1. This is the prompt that indicates "Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."

Center your story on the reason that you did not drop out of school even though your best friend opted not to go to school and you had to struggle to get a good education. We will portray you as a hard working, "I will overcome any obstacle in my path to get to my success", optimistic student who just needs a good break in the educational world in order to reach your fullest potential. Does that sound like a story that you can come up with on your own? Just write what you can and I will help you revise it when you are done so that it will become a more interesting response to the prompt :-) I look forward to reading it.


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