Yes, and for some reason a theme of enthusiasm comes to mind for me. You can write about great inspiration you have had in this first year, and how your increases of activity, and now transferring to this new school, are the results of great inspiration/enthusiasm that you now have for your field of study.
UW Personal Statement
I actually overshot by 146 words (maximum is 1000), but please help edit my sentence structure and grammar. One of my flaws is lengthy sentences, so i would need help on that.
In the winter of 2007, I found myself halfway across the world. I was finally in America, a place where I had long been intrigued with. I have heard of great things happening with the abounding opportunities here, and I wanted to see it happening for myself. After spending my growing up years in one place, I am ever ready to move on and embrace change into my life. By escaping my comfort zone, I would have the opportunity to take a leadership role outside of my element.
Living all my eighteen years under my parents' wing had been a double-edged sword for me. I neither had the courage to stand up on my own nor the freedom of making decisions on my own. But on the other hand, my parents have both been incredibly influential to my personal and professional growth. As an entrepreneur, my father is an exemplary model of both persistence and resilience, which very much reflects my way of overcoming challenges. As for my mother, she plays the major role in shaping my educational path, directing me to the business world and instilling in me her passion and enthusiasm for the subject. Having inherited an interest in business from my parents, it was through them that I gained a more matured perspective on the workings of the real-world.
Transiting into North Seattle Community College was my fresh start. I took up the business path, and with a half-filled glass mindset, strived to keep moving on whenever there are obstacles in my academic life that would serve as a distraction. On the curriculum choices, I had to tailor them according to the transfer degree requirements for the Associate in Business. One thing I realize is that I tend to enjoy the business classes that use the case method, as I am not merely learning concepts, but also diving deeply into business problems to analyze them. The cases have opened up my whole world. From here, I can only look forward to a more practical and hands-on opportunity to apply my knowledge, such as the UW Business School's Global Business Case Competition. It is an exciting event that gives students a chance to build cross-cultural relationships, and most importantly, participate in a real-world case study to analyze and develop a business recommendation within 48 hours.
In addition to gaining a spot on the Vice President/Dean's list, I was inducted into the Alpha Epsilon Omega Chapter of Phi Theta Kappa as a member within my second quarter in North Seattle, and then eventually communications officer. One of the programs that were designed was the Five Stars Chapter Development Program, which basically required the chapter to strive for excellence by increasing to Level Five programming with the various activities that were implemented to fulfill the five star status. But the most engaging program for me would be the exploration of the Honors Study Topic, in which we strive for activities that would reflect the Society Hallmarks of Scholarship, Fellowship, Leadership and Service. On an individual level, I was deeply stimulated. Being communications officer in the chapter boosted my confidence, while also pushed me to further explore my passions intellectually and emotionally.
While trying to determine my real passions, I came to the conclusion that I am most interested in the assimilation of technology and business. Here, the Information Systems (IS) major is the perfect fit for me. The need for skilled IT professionals continues to rise as IT systems become increasingly more complex. Also, technology never ceases to intrigue with its potential to better serve the informational needs of people and organizations. I have always aspired to entrepreneurs who set out to build their own technological company, as they get to combine both the elements of technology and business into their products and services with an aim to increase the productivity of businesses. Once I have acquired the necessary technical skills and business knowledge, I plan to build a company from scratch using a technology platform, and I fully believe that UW will fulfill my desire to learn more about the process of taking a technology and developing it into a company. After all, it makes most sense to learn about business by actually doing business.
But before delving into the entrepreneurial world, courses in the information systems program will benefit my interest in technology and business. They are designed to provide knowledge and skills needed to master the use of computer and technology in businesses. Its internship program also provides educational value and practical learning experience in a real-world environment, in which I would be exposed to many areas of information systems. Armed with an Information Systems degree in hand, I will be equipped with varied technical skills; developed effective human communication skills, and also possessed a strong business and management background. From here, before going on to start my own successful thriving business, I plan to work in a management consulting firm and first use my undergraduate education there to build a credible foundation. Also, with the alumni actively involved in the UW Business School by giving their time to speak to students through lectures or club activities and providing mentorship to students, such opportunity to network with the roster of alumni like Chris DeWolfe, Orin Smith and Erik Nordstrom is an opportunity beyond imagination. In addition, with an event such as EntrepreneurWeek UW, the workshops, events and networking opportunities on hand will enable me to learn more about start-ups and other relevant topics.
Initially, before moving to America from Singapore, my days had only consisted of boring routines. Volunteering is not commonplace among students there. It was very much an academic-oriented environment. But ever since living in a service nation, I came to realize how valuable community service makes one out to be. Through volunteering as a tutor to Somali refugee youths at the Secondary Bilingual Orientation Center School for two months, I had more than first-hand exposure to actual child development, rather than merely the theoretical that textbooks provide. But I also learned to appreciate the value of cultural differences; coming up with strange new food combinations has lately become a habit of mine. All in all, interacting with a different culture is a step towards breaking down cultural stereotypes. I would never have imagined, despite where they are coming from, that these refugee youths possess a sense of diligence and a love of learning.
Getting into the University of Washington will no doubt provide an array of opportunities from which to gain additional valuable experience in the form of volunteering. With a long tradition of academic excellence and rich learning opportunities for students, I believe that I will gain so much more than what a community college has to offer.
Well, you do write quite well, and your long sentences are not run-on sentences. it is good that you can write with complex sentences, but when they become awkward you can just divide them up:
In addition to gaining a spot on the Vice President/Dean's list, I was inducted into the Alpha Epsilon Omega Chapter of Phi Theta Kappa as a member within my second quarter as a student in North Seattle. Eventually, I became the communications officer.
Here is another part I can fix:
Because of having lived in a service nation, I came to realize how valuable a contribution of community service can be. Through volunteering as a tutor to Somali refugee youths at the Secondary Bilingual Orientation Center School, I gained more than first-hand exposure to actual child development -- rather than merely the theoretical knowledge that textbooks provide. I also learned to appreciate the value of cultural differences; coming up with strange new food combinations has lately become a habit of mine...
Great! I see that you use semi-colons to manage long sentences, too. Good luck with your upcoming drafts of this!!
:)