Hello, I need to submit this by today and it is a personal statement for scholarship application.
Please give comments and help :) Thank you!
Personal statement: Tell us about yourself in 500 words. ( I currently exceeded by 50 words or so)
One's traits are accumulated through influences around him - and the exceptional influence from my family attributed to who I am today. Born into a broken family, it was once an excuse for wallowing in self-pity, but now it is a motivation and an opportunity that contributed to my development of self-reliance, resilience and responsibility.
While other children receive allowance from their parents for school, I was in a completely different situation. I gave my meagre savings to my father instead. My father was unfortunately addicted to gambling. In order to feed this bottomless pit, he resorted to borrowing money illegally from the loan sharks. I remembered vividly the moments when I used to cry silently in bed, due to the pure fear of loan sharks who often harassed my family at late nights. The times when I woke up to find paint splashes all over the door of my flat and notes which threateningly exclaimed "OWE MONEY PAY MONEY" were simply too much for a twelve-year-old child to handle. For several years, the same situation constantly surfaced. Despite numerous chances offered to him time to time from the family, my father remained unrepentant of his wrong actions even till today. I grew up witnessing how he conducted himself. Initially, I often broke down in shame and questioned the reason for my existence in such a complicated family. It was my mother who changed this perspective.
To me, she is more than just a mother; she is a strong-willed woman who bravely plays the dual-role of parenting, and an outstanding role model I deeply admire. Life is never smooth sailing. Failed marriage, coupled with huge debts left by an unremorseful spouse are just a pinch of my mother's innumerable challenges. I grew up observing how she resolved these obstacles calmly, never giving in to desperation regardless how hard the situation seemed. She not only took things in stride, but also with a dauntless smile, which became my source of warmth and inspiration. Through my mother, I understood the genuine values of perseverance and resilience.
My parents are contrasting life models whom I treasured sincerely. Their extraordinary presence opened my heart and mind to broader horizons. I do not loathe my father despite the hurt he brought to his family. Although my mother had impacted me on my beliefs predominantly with her optimism, my father had an equal amount on influence on me too. I am thankful for the experience he gave me, which had eventually developed my determination to be responsible for everything I was given, in terms of tasks and projects. I had learned to be independent and resolve my own problems through such an adversity and to be self-reliant in hard times. Realizing that we can always learn something from the behaviour of a person, it has also intrigued my interest in communicating with people. In life, we will stumble across obstacles, but as long as we persist, that stumbling stone can transform into a stepping stone and we will be amazed at how much we can learn - about others and most importantly, about ourselves. I may not know what my future have for me but I will strive to create my own unique endeavour towards excellence.
Please give comments and help :) Thank you!
Personal statement: Tell us about yourself in 500 words. ( I currently exceeded by 50 words or so)
One's traits are accumulated through influences around him - and the exceptional influence from my family attributed to who I am today. Born into a broken family, it was once an excuse for wallowing in self-pity, but now it is a motivation and an opportunity that contributed to my development of self-reliance, resilience and responsibility.
While other children receive allowance from their parents for school, I was in a completely different situation. I gave my meagre savings to my father instead. My father was unfortunately addicted to gambling. In order to feed this bottomless pit, he resorted to borrowing money illegally from the loan sharks. I remembered vividly the moments when I used to cry silently in bed, due to the pure fear of loan sharks who often harassed my family at late nights. The times when I woke up to find paint splashes all over the door of my flat and notes which threateningly exclaimed "OWE MONEY PAY MONEY" were simply too much for a twelve-year-old child to handle. For several years, the same situation constantly surfaced. Despite numerous chances offered to him time to time from the family, my father remained unrepentant of his wrong actions even till today. I grew up witnessing how he conducted himself. Initially, I often broke down in shame and questioned the reason for my existence in such a complicated family. It was my mother who changed this perspective.
To me, she is more than just a mother; she is a strong-willed woman who bravely plays the dual-role of parenting, and an outstanding role model I deeply admire. Life is never smooth sailing. Failed marriage, coupled with huge debts left by an unremorseful spouse are just a pinch of my mother's innumerable challenges. I grew up observing how she resolved these obstacles calmly, never giving in to desperation regardless how hard the situation seemed. She not only took things in stride, but also with a dauntless smile, which became my source of warmth and inspiration. Through my mother, I understood the genuine values of perseverance and resilience.
My parents are contrasting life models whom I treasured sincerely. Their extraordinary presence opened my heart and mind to broader horizons. I do not loathe my father despite the hurt he brought to his family. Although my mother had impacted me on my beliefs predominantly with her optimism, my father had an equal amount on influence on me too. I am thankful for the experience he gave me, which had eventually developed my determination to be responsible for everything I was given, in terms of tasks and projects. I had learned to be independent and resolve my own problems through such an adversity and to be self-reliant in hard times. Realizing that we can always learn something from the behaviour of a person, it has also intrigued my interest in communicating with people. In life, we will stumble across obstacles, but as long as we persist, that stumbling stone can transform into a stepping stone and we will be amazed at how much we can learn - about others and most importantly, about ourselves. I may not know what my future have for me but I will strive to create my own unique endeavour towards excellence.