UC Personal Statement: The Hope to Survive

I expected my Thanksgiving break to be a breeze, but it was the total opposite. My life would never be the same the day I found out my great grandmother had been hospitalized. "We are going to see your great grandmother you guys..something is wrong with her brain," my dad said to me and my younger brother. I remember how quiet my family was walking up to Kaiser, the elevator ride to her room felt like it lasted forever. I did not take him seriously until I saw the IV's sticking in and out of her body. I was instantly in shock, she looked like she was in so much pain-even though she was sleeping. When she woke up I hoped that she remembered me, but she didn't, she couldn't remember anyone after her stroke. Someone who has been around my family for all of our lives forgot us in one second. It's been hard on all of us, the person we looked at as strong was breaking. There was no way I could keep my emotions together for Thanksgiving, I kept asking myself why there wasn't anything the doctors could do to weaken the pain, that may be the medicine they could give her could make it go away. All I can think about are ways to help her get better. Because if I don't, my outgoing personality will disappear, and I will start staying to myself: my dad says I become a "turtle". I used to spend my time laying down, watching movies, but now all I can do is research ways to regain memories and to brighten up the depressing aura of hospital rooms. Kaiser will become my second home, and once her doctors feel that she can go into physical therapy, the rehab center will be too. One of my true passions has been to help others, I just didn't expect it to be someone in my own family. I don't have my future completely set just yet, but I know I want to be in the Medical field. There are so many people in this world fighting for their lives, and getting to help them with their journey to recovery is a career that I want to be in for the rest of my life. I have always been a selfless person, and some may see that as a downfall, but I think that God's plan for me is to care for others. Even though my spirit has been in shambles, I know my situation will get better. I won't use it as an excuse to start slacking in school. I know she wouldn't want me to do that, and I am too determined to become successful. Instead, I am going to let it motivate me to work harder, not only for her, but for my future.

This essay is for the 1st personal statement telling us to describe the world we come from and how it has shaped our dreams.

Alexis, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay.

- My life would never be the same, the day I found out my great grandmother had been hospitalized.
- I was instantly in shock, she looked like
- It's been hard onfor all of us,
- the person we looked at as strong was breaking apart .
- All I can think about are ways to help her get better. B, b ecause if I don't,
- my outgoing personality will disappearbe affected , and
- I will start staying to myself:might develop shyness,
- One of my true passions has been to help others,

Alexis, I just finish proof reading your essay and the above are my corrections, this are my suggestions and I hope
you follow through, now, as I go along with your essay, I was expecting that it will get better in the end and
shape towards the purpose of the essay, well it did in the beginning but it got stuck, I mean you only talked about the
family's background but you never mentioned about your plans for the future anymore, this is part of the essay too.

I hope you revised it accordingly.

@justivy03 I haven't decided what I want to do just yet, but I know I want to be in the medical field. I tried to tie what I want to do in the future to what I've been going through. Is there anything I could say to make that clearer?

Alexis, it's good that you're rooting for the medical world as a career, there's not much students
these days that are aiming for such a noble profession due to the advent of technology and how
the possibilities of such industry is endless.

Now, what you can do to stress importance on your chosen field is to express how you are geared
into choosing medical practice, cite examples or goals that you would like to achieve in order
to be one of the best in this field.

I believe letting the admissions panel know what your heart desires is the next step to get closer to your desired career.