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personal statement of sarah: 'college is one of the scariest dreams'



blueeyes816 2 / 4  
Nov 14, 2012   #1
I'll start off by saying college is one of the scariest dreams I have ever tried to pursue. When I think about college, I think about how much my life will change and what the world will throw my way, but also how successful I will feel when I graduate and what my next step in life will be. Growing up my mother has always told me, "Not going to college is not an option," but for some reason I never thought putting my life into a five hundred word personal statement would be this hard.

I am very indecisive because when I make a decision I have to be sure I make the right one, so I think everything through very carefully. I've thought a lot about different colleges but Saint Mary's has been on the top of my college list for quite some time. Not only because I have heard incredible things about the classes and campus, or that it is less than one hour away from home, but because of the wonderful nursing program this school has to offer. Nursing and Nutrition are interests of mine because two of my aunts are nurses and I have never met any two people more pleased with their jobs. Their happiness has inspired me to do my own research about nutrition. I took it upon myself to change my unhealthy eating habits and to help change my family's poor habits too. I think working as a nurse will be an exciting career because I love working with and helping others.

Swimming on the San Leandro Drowning Darryl's Swim Team for 11 years has taught me how to work with people I may or may not want to work with, and how finding a family inside of a team is important for success. My family has always encouraged me to try new things, so sophomore year of high school I decided to join a three-year program called The San Leandro Academy of Multimedia, otherwise known as SLAM. SLAM has brought out a side of me I didn't know I had. I found myself making friends with people I had never seen around school and fulfilling my interest in photography. If I hadn't joined SLAM I wouldn't have taken a leap into participating in the school plays my junior and senior year because I wouldn't have met the people I know now. Stage crew is an exciting after school activity because I can use my creativity to create set pieces and we never know what we'll think of when we put our creative minds together.

I think it is important to create a family within my school environment because it makes it easier to overcome tough situations. For example, in the seventh grade one of my best friends past away of MRSA. It struck our group of friends pretty hard. It was a while before we all realized that because we were ok, Griffon was going to be ok. It made our friendship stronger and even though our group split apart in high school, there will always be something holding us together because of what we went through.

His passing has showed me that we are not given that much time to live our lives, and we should make the most of the time we have now. That is why I want to help people live their lives, and maybe even save some too. I hope Saint Mary's will help me on to the next step of achieving my life goal.

rahullmantri 1 / 4  
Nov 15, 2012   #2
I've thought a lot about different colleges but Saint Mary's has been on the top of my college list for quite some time.

Modify this sentence a bit. especially the words in bold.
OP blueeyes816 2 / 4  
Nov 16, 2012   #3
Would, "I have put a lot of thought into my college decision, and Saint Mary's is number one on my list," work better?
rahullmantri 1 / 4  
Nov 26, 2012   #4
blueeyes816
Growing up my mother has always told me, "Not going to college is not an option," but for some reason I never thought putting my life into a five hundred word personal statement would be this hard.

You should write a good thesis statement that captures the reader at the end of the first paragraph. Try working on that.

And, I guess this works fine : I have put a lot of thought into my college decision, and Saint Mary's is number one on my list


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