This is the first half of my paper. Tell me if the ideas are good or terrible.
_________
I have been enamored with my Pentax SLR since I received it. I've spent countless hours looking through its lens. Now as I sit to write my college essays I want to share my perspective through that lens. and how I have many similarities with the camera.
First, let me tell you why I like the hobby. The camera is a simple device, that lets you control focus, the amount, and intensity of light hitting a film. Yet the pictures the camera takes are so much more than just depictions. A picture can set a mood and inspire emotions. A picture can tell a story. Photography is so artful, yet it has principles and order. The art is in finding the subject. The order is in manipulating the device to render the scene. I have applied many of the qualities of photography to my life.
There's order and procedure in taking a picture. It's just like a science experiment. Using the first photo as a control, I can manipulate some variables to reach my final product. Using a keen and sensitive eye, I can hypothesize the right settings; when the picture isn't successful, I can learn, adjust and try again. Through this process, the perfect picture is often a result of its previous unsuccessful versions. I have applied the same perseverance I have pursuing the best pictures to my life. For example, I did terribly in my sophomore AP chemistry class. Learning from my poor performance, I relearned the subject last summer and enrolled in organic chemistry at my local community college. This time, the subject was even harder but I persevered through it.
__________
I m going to talk about how the subject defines the picture and how my experiences define me.
And then talk about how the lens can give better focus and a new perspective ~ how my perspective has changes as ive matured
Id like to know how the initial part of my paper is. Be as mean as you can. Thanks!
Extended metaphors are always a good way to approach this sort of essay. The key is to stick with the central metaphor throughout, though, and not to get sidetracked using other metaphors that distract from your main analogy. So, for example, you might not want to compare photography to a science experiment. It isn't that the comparison isn't a good one, it's just that it disrupts your focus on the comparison of you to the camera. Good luck with the rest of the essay -- I look forward to reading the finished draft.
this is an update. I tried to make it a little more personal. But im still having a hard time making it cogent. Especially in the [] parts where i don't know how to make it sound better.
Also, I need to connect my ideas/paragraphs
Maybe it was that camping trip to Mount Hood or maybe it was spending a week in the eastern Oregon high desert. I'm not exactly sure what inspired me, but I started pursuing photography to try to capture my most memorable moments. Initially, photography meant just putting a great sight on paper. But as I have matured, photography has become a form of expression; a tool I can use to tell a story. And looking at my Pentax SLR beaming from atop my dresser, I would like to share my perspective through its lens.
Photography is kind, sympathetic hobby that gives you second chances. If my initial picture isn't perfect, I can manipulate focus, aperture, and shutter speed to get better and better shots. From those unsuccessful shots I can learn, adjust, and try again until I have the perfect photograph. The innate persistence I have with a camera is something I have shown outside of photography. For instance, I learned perseverance firsthand after performing miserably in my sophomore AP chemistry class. Undeterred, I relearned the subject this summer and enrolled in organic chemistry at my local community college. Organic chemistry has been substantially harder than AP chemistry but from it I have learned many more invaluable lessons. The perseverance and resolve I gained from this experience has made me a better person.
The artistic nature of photography stands out in the subject of the picture. I have to choose the right subject to tell my story. Subjects are fickle, fleeting and innumerable so I have to choose the ones that fit my scheme and pursue them. Just like the subject holds the essence of the photograph, the opportunities I have chosen reflect my passions. Medical research is my passion. After looking through my career possibilities, I went out and [got] firsthand research experience working in a local neuroscience lab. From there I have continued to pursue this [interest] and am currently working in a biomedical engineering lab. Just like I take photos only of subjects that fit my story, I have chosen to pursue these opportunities because they are aligned with my direction. [fit my direction]
The camera is a very potent device. But there is no single feature in the camera that gives [it its] [capability]. Every part of the camera lends to its ability. The aperture adds depth of field that the shutter speed cannot while the shutter speed can add unique blurs. Like that, there isn't any single event or experience that makes up "me" [constitutes my character]. For instance, the courage and excitement I felt digging snow caves in subzero blizzard conditions with boy scouts added a unique dimension to my personality. [My intimate conversations wheeling disabled patients at my local hospital gave me qualities my research experience could not]. There are countless experiences I could [rant] about: tracking wild tigers in Indian rainforests, spending days backpacking through the cascade ranges, or even just the casual conversations I would have every day with medical staff when I volunteered at my local museum. Each experience has added a unique facet to my personality and enriched my identity.
[conclusion...
Here is a fix for the first sentence:
Maybe it was that camping trip to Mount Hood, or maybe it was spending a week in the eastern Oregon high desert; I'm not exactly sure what inspired me the most , but I started pursuing photography to try to capture my most memorable moments.
Oh, I see what you mean about connecting the paragraphs. You need to read each paragraph and tack a powerful topic sentence to the beginning of each. Then, go back and look at all those topic sentences and use them to come up with a sentence to tack on to the END OF THE FIRST PARAGRAPH in order to prepare the reader for all those brilliant ideas.
Good luck!!!!!
:)
EH?
how about this vers,?
Photography, Art, Life, Science
Photography is a versatile art. It's about freezing a moment; putting a vision onto paper, with emotions and feelings. Photography is a tool used to bring out elements unseen by the eye and capture them on film, with a perspective that is often overlooked. It's an art, and a science complete with rules. The art is finding a subject. The science is getting that subject onto paper.
A picture tells a story and uncovers details much the same way as a microscope yields clues about a tissue in its glare. When I look at the tissue of a chicken heart, I see the image with the eye of a photographer. As a photographer, I see art in the cadence of its rhythm; I see beauty in the random amalgamation of muscle strands. At the surface, I see the whole heart, and as a scientist, I look for the secrets locked within its walls that can save human lives. To unearth these secrets, I've recently used tools such as optical coherence tomography to reveal critical information about the blood flow velocity behind those rhythmic, beating muscles. More and more, I'm becoming an ardent student of biology. It is my passion. From the rhythm of the heart to the symphony of neurons in a spinal cord, I see art in biology just like I see science in photography.
The science in photography is an artifact of the methodical process of capturing a picture. There are controllable variables: when the shutter speed slows, the brightness of the picture always increases; when the aperture becomes wider, the range of focus always decreases. From each imperfect picture I learn, reconfigure, and try again. A good photographer needs patience and persistence to capture the perfect image. Persistence is second nature to me; my work ethic compels me to try again until I'm satisfied. This ethic extends to other parts of my life as well. One such parallel was my resilience in AP Chemistry during sophomore year. I didn't do well and I wasn't proud of the results. So I tried again and relearned the subject last summer, enrolling in organic chemistry at my local community college with dogged determination. My perseverance is paying off and I'm already applying the knowledge regularly in advanced research at Oregon Health and Science University.
Each component of the camera serves a vital purpose; similarly, each of my experiences lends itself to my personality. The friends I made and the people I met from around the world at the International Science Fair taught me more about diversity than any other experience- Although I shared a common interest in science with my peers, our approaches were truly worlds apart. Through Boy Scouts, I learned firsthand about leadership, courage, and the strength of will - from leading my patrol through week-long backpacking trips in the Oregon Cascades, to braving blizzard conditions digging snow caves on Mount Hood. My volunteering experiences at the local hospital reinforced the values of compassion and the importance of extending a helping hand. There is nothing more rewarding than the heartfelt thank-you's I received as I assisted patients in the hospital. These experiences form but a small fragment of the collage that is my life and I intend to continue to enrich this picture as I expand my horizons and pursue my passions in college.
[Im still working on the transitions and the conclusions]
Photography helps me put things into perspective; it forces me to look deeper. I rarely accept issues at face value, I enjoy dissecting them - sometimes I over analyze. There is a vagabond artist within me as well as a passionate scientist. I am a leader and always first to take initiative. I enjoy the outdoors. I feel that the only shooting on this planet should only be done through a camera. I want to, and will, someday, change the world. It will be on my terms. For now though, I need to learn and explore. Photography is the vehicle of my exploration.
It's about freezing a moment, putting a vision onto paper, with emotions and feelings.
At the surface, I see the whole heart, and, as a scientist, I look for the secrets locked within its walls that can save human lives.
I didn't do well, and I wasn't proud of the results. So, I tried again and relearned the subject last summer, enrolling in organic chemistry at my local community college with dogged determination. My perseverance is paying off, and I'm already applying the knowledge regularly in advanced research at Oregon Health and Science University.
These experiences form but a small fragment of the collage that is my life, and I intend to continue to enrich this picture as I expand my horizons and pursue my passions in college.
[I'm still working on the transitions and the conclusions]
It's an art, and a science: complete with rules. The art is finding a subject; the science is getting that subject onto paper.
Great! When you add those transitions at the beginning of each subsequent paragraph, let them serve the duel purpose of introducing the paragraph and also connecting it to the previous one. Look at each paragraph to see what function it serves in the essay, and write the beginning sentences accordingly.
This is a great discussion of how photography is both art and science. I like it!!
Also, when working on the transitions, you may want to use them to emphasize that the essay is really about what you have learned from photography, rather than about the nature of photography (though the two ideas are obviously linked).