Personal Statement. CA Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity
Steven Chen
Please bear with my essay! My English skills suck
Fitness was a hobby that drastically changed my life. At an age of twelve I weighed around 150 pounds, and was only 5 feet. I was always low on self esteem and blaming this condition on genetics. I felt like I was cursed with some fat disease that caused me to swell into a huge peach. As a result, my father brought me to the gym and coached me. My heart, however, was never into it and I just sat around staring at the clock ticking and tocking. I gave up on the coaching after 2 weeks. It was just too strenuous. I kept thinking maybe when I reach adulthood some magical potion will end my fatness. As years went on, I just kept gaining weight until I was 200 pounds at 15. I was the center of gravity of food.
At an age of 15, however, I started to have trouble to do the slightest tasks. When I was tying my shoelaces, my heart rate was always 150. Bending over was a work out. I angrily decided I wasn't going to put up with this anymore. Life was too strenuous and hard. There must be something I can do,so I don't die of an heart attack when I tie my shoe laces. I wanted to change myself. More importantly,I wanted to do this for myself, not to abide to someone else's beliefs. The beginning was torture; It seemed like my nerves were mercilessly hammered with pain . Everyday I would contemplate why I was doing this, and tomorrow I would consistently answer myself that change takes payment. In the end I wanted to change more than anything else. I wanted to live a life where I wouldn't die from walking. At first, my determination was vibrant but ,as time went on, it started wilting. Every step felt like my body was basking the fires in hell, but slowly I paved my first baby steps by losing 10. The first 10 pounds struck me as the biggest threshold; As I kept continuing my journey, I found that not only did my body improve but also my self confidence and motivation. All those times when I thought about quitting dissipated as I keep trudging on this journey today. As time passed on, fitness became the turning point toward adulthood. I molded my own identity and morals from fitness. I left my old mentality of always castigating my own genetics or anything that I couldn't have a say in. I grew the mentality that change can't occur unless the effort is standing in front of it. For example, in the gym, I still hit personal records on all my lifts and continue to strive toward a transcendent goal. As I am hitting a new records, I push with the intent to lift Atlas's burden. My neurons go berserk as I struggle under the force of resistance. My muscles shake with the burning sensation as the tug of war between gravity and me takes its payment; Even though pain is always present, I find pleasure that I have the ability to improve myself. Because of fitness, I created a new character that seeped into my life. Oddly enough, the contrast between before and after is black and white. Some differences were my change in body, and mental health. I continually build who I want to become through my own self-improvement. There is always improvement whether it be in my diet plans and workout routine, or my studying timing or method. The journey through fitness was a prime step toward the path of my goals.
Steven, don't be embarrassed by your English skills. Your essay is definitely clear and understandable to the reader. I believe though that this very gold essay needs a little bit more information in terms of explaining the reason you n began to take your health seriously. Surely you had medical consultations before that you ignored. What was the central reason, the catalyst for the change in your perception about health. We need a stronger reason than just tying your shoes. Discuss the factors that led to the creation of your central identity as a health advocate.
