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UC Personal Statement - "Two Worlds Converged"



sdelicana 5 / 10  
Nov 11, 2012   #1
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

First Draft. I'm feeling iffy about shifting the verb tenses throughout the essay. Please feel free to tell me if they need to be fixed, along with other grammatical errors and changes about the content.

Occasionally, I linger upon childhood memories like rolling on the field of my old Catholic school, catching grasshoppers with other kids, pretending to be ghost hunters at night, or even getting bit by giant ants at the play ground. From trivial recollections of playing with beetles to little accomplishments like winning a spelling bee, these effervescent memories remind me of how I loved being so spontaneous and full of life; I loved being a kid.

Growing up at the rural side of the Philippines, I adopted a very collectivistic culture, whereupon we embrace family ties and develop strong work ethics built on interdependence. The small province in which I grew up is essentially where I shaped these values; my old school, or my second home, taught me about compassion, togetherness, and humility.

On another note, the urban town in which I spent my adolescence is where I sought novel experiences, a different outlook, and a new self. In high school, I learned to embrace the beauty of individualism and the substance of knowledge, namely after reading the novel Anthem by Ayn Rand. Like Equality 7-2521 in a much lesser extent, I grew up in a collectivistic world, I write about episodes from my childhood, and I have acquired a profound penchant for learning. I find myself suddenly craving more and more independence after being encircled by the idea of togetherness as a child. However, unlike Equality, I am not conflicted between the collective world from which I came and this freethinking country I now inhabit. In these different realms, I was able to find a sense of balance. Although I have become almost entirely Americanized, I incessantly remind myself that my childhood shaped half of who I am.

[I know this whole paragraph is a little off-topic, but i'll find a way to somehow incorporate this idea later, since I need to talk about the career path I'm leaning towards..but suggestions regarding this are very much appreciated] With the values that my loving community taught me as a child and the independence and dedication to learning I acquired as an adolescent, I am determined to enter the medical field; namely, with my fondness for the youth, I aspire to become a pediatric nurse and provide full commitment to the well-being of infants, children, and adolescents. My childhood experiences are some of my most treasured memories, and I know that working with young individuals in the future will be just as rewarding.

Having lived in two different worlds was indeed a bittersweet experience. As an adolescent, I may have acquired a whole new frame of mind, but the set of values I grasped as a child is what truly keeps me grounded, and I will certainly carry it with me through my path to adulthood.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Nov 12, 2012   #2
Interesting kid : )

Growing up atin the rural side of the Philippines

The small province in which I grew up is essentially where I shapedearned these values

On another note, the urban town in which I spent my adolescence is where I sought novel experiences, a different outlook, and a new selfpersonality .

Although I have become almost entirely Americanized, I incessantlyfrequently remind myself that my childhood shaped half of who I am.

----- very impressive
I too feel your fourth para does not fit in here. I wish you remove it. Without it, this flows beautifully.
Great job! I enjoyed reading it. Well done and Good Luck!


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