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"I have stayed with her family in Oregon" - skiing activity



ckrell 3 / 2  
Dec 13, 2010   #1
Since I was 5, not a day has passed when I have not thought about her. She's moody. I can't hold her down. She has left me many times, but I still wait for her. Even though I know that she will not be coming back for a while, I get this indescribable feeling of excitement; a feeling that I cannot achieve from anything else. I cannot bare the thought of her leaving forever. And so, I refuse to believe the evidence that clearly shows that she is gone.

Often, we catch up. She tells me where she's been. When I speak to her, emotion overwhelms me. I know I will not be able to embrace her any sooner, regardless of the feelings that consume me. Sometimes I wish I could just block her out of my head, but she is like a gambling addiction, and I haven't run out of money yet. It's difficult living when the one you love is so far away. I have adored her ever since I first laid eyes on her in kindergarten. I know I will always feel this way- no matter what.

The past four years have been considerably easier when she is not here. I have gone across the country just to fill the hole in my heart she has left when we're not together. I have stayed with her family in Oregon and become very close to them throughout the past few years. Those who know us think my love for her is crazy. My parents, normally tremendously supportive, question my love for her. "You could go so much further in life if you could just get your mind off her!" But, after seeing the sincerity in my eyes, they give in, agreeing to not keep us apart.

A few days after Thanksgiving, she rolled back into town. I talked with her when she arrived and told her I would visit her as soon as she woke up. I was anticipating every moment of that day as I lay in bed. I wanted to sprint to her house at that very moment and wake her up, but I knew I had to wait. I just lay in my bed until the sun rose, daydreaming about her. She told me she would be staying in town for a while. I could never get sick of her as long as she was here.

My mom threw together some leftovers from Thanksgiving as I ate breakfast. I felt like I could outlast the Energizer Bunny with all of this excitement I was struggling to control. I loaded my car and headed out. The thought of being with her again was stimulating. I put on some Matisyahu to relieve my mind from all of these emotions and pressed on.

Since I had last seen her she had traveled extensively throughout South America, Canada, and Europe. And now, she had come to visit me. I was overjoyed when I saw her waiting there for me at the end of her driveway. I was surprised at how much she had changed, but I wasn't disappointed. I parked a couple feet away from her, opened my door, and skied to the chairlift.

Skiing is what I love. It is who I am. I wait all year for that first run of the season and as soon as I touch the snow for the first time in the fall, I realize I am back with what I love most in life.

mgensu3 1 / 1  
Dec 13, 2010   #2
not a day has passed when i have not... --- not a day has passed that i have not ..

very interesting, holds the reader's attention!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Dec 23, 2010   #3
This is a clever way to express your love for skiing!
I think you could use some clever metaphors throughout the essay to HINT at what it is going to be.

The essay reads like a journal entry. It shows great writing ability, but it does not demonstrate good structure in composition. For example, there are no "paragraph topic sentences." It could be a lot better if you included a strategic subtopic, perhaps your chosen fields or careers of interest. You can write about missing her as you continue to proactively study articles about the specialization that interests you.

By doing that, you'll balance the abstract/expressive nature of this essay with some pragmatism.
:-)
BearMillz 2 / 3  
Dec 23, 2010   #4
I very much agree with EF_Kevin. It reads like a journal entry and is a good read.. but working on your composition could help a lot.


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